In tribute to and as a sign of solidarity with the great and now vilified CHASEY LAIN we, the writers of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME, going over and above the call of duty, have resolved to do THIS edition of our fair site totally fucking, mind-bendingly BENT. Yes. That's right. You heard us right. We will take the POT. We will take the CRANK. We will take the E, the K, the LSD, NOT because we WANT to but because we HAVE to. Yes, yes. HAVE to. POWER TO THE FUCKING PEOPLE!!!
IN SEARCH OF: MARGOT KIDDER
A REAL SPURIOUS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE LEGENDARILY LOOPED MS. CHASEY LAIN
There were the whispers. Lots of whispers. Back in her VIVID days she'd disappear for days upon days only to be found smoking CRACK, with none other than the estimable CHARLIE SHEEN. But whispers are perhaps not reality. Reality would be Vegas this past weekend when she showed up 8 hours late for her greet and grin booth duty higher than a fucking kite that's tied to a fucking kite demanding her money for appearing and summarily being sent away by a disgusted handler.
The rest as they say, complete with a hospital visit and a newsmaking OD, is fucking SMACK METH history.
We love CHASEY LAIN.
Not because she's a totally unregenerate whore (because she is), and not because she's a completely unrepentant fucking drug addict (because she's that too), but because she's irredeemably BOTH.
Ladies (yeah, right) and Gentlemen! The totally intransigent TITS ON TERROR, Ms. CHASEY LAIN.
I CRACK, YOU CRACK, WE ALL CRACK FOR CRACK CRACK
CHASEY LAIN: What was the question again?
SKULLGAME: We didn’t actually ask one but if you answer it maybe you’ll jog our memory.
CL: Jog? You mean like RUN? You gonna make a run?
SG: What you need?
CL: Hahahahahahaha. Um. [silence] [more silence] [this time thoughtful silence]. You seen CHARLIE?
SG: [simultaneously] Manson?
CL: Sheen. Charlie's cleaned up now. He said he knew it was time to clean up when SLASH told him that maybe he should start taking it easy. He said that's when he knew. [sighs]
SG: [sighs] So you OD'd? You know I don't think it's really an OD unless someone dies. In fact there's all of this finger wagging shit like you should feel guilty or that somehow you were behaving irresponsibly. Listen JIMMY CARTER said it best when he said to thine own peanut farm be true and that's as true today as it was last year when he was president. If you were doing what you were born to do--in your instance sucking paste and getting high--you are right with God, goddamned it.
CL: You wanna get high...
SG: ...er? Hell yeah.
CL: Let's go.
And in the waning light of the southern California sun CHASEY LAIN and VINNIE ROSE disappear into the interior of his monkeyshit brown Ford LTD and drive off to a destination called LOVE.
The End.
Or is IT?!?!?
ITALIAN SAL DIGS DEEP, DEEP, DEEP INTO THE MIND OF Cherry Boxxx SLUT CYTHERIA
"I LIKE ORGASMS!!!"
Hmmmmmmm.
That looks very good. That being Baby Doll and Cherry Boxxx Pictures screen slutlet CYTHERIA. Hailing from the great state of Utah, sexy Cytheria graduated Magna Cum Laude from BYU. Not the BYU of Brigham Young University, but the much less known Bring Your Uterus U. in Provo, Utah.
Forthwith SKULLGAME'S FIVE EASY PIECES with CYTHERIA:
SKULLGAME: Hey Cytheria! We do our interviews a little different than most folks, you see, we do them with our pants off. [Everyone laughs. Except for Sal.] No, I’m serious, I do these things au natural, you know, for the comfort….I jest of course. Our interview format is called FIVE EASY PIECES. But like in the Matrix we are going to give you the illusion of choice. So, the red pill….Or the blue pill….
CYTHERIA: No. [whining] I don’t want to choose….
SG: Come on now. This is nooooo harder than taking a cock up the jacksie. Choose.
C: [Laughing] The Blue Pill. I like blue…
SG: Good girl. First question: Who in the industry do you most enjoy working with and why?
C: [Laughing] I like working with anyone who has been in the industry for a while. I don’t like working with guys who are really new and have a hard time getting it up and are all nervous. That’s just my preference. I like having orgasms.
SG: Well you did and didn’t answer that question but let's push on. Question two: How long do you plan to work in the industry and what are you going to do afterward?
C: I hope to work in the industry as long as I can. When I can’t work any more in front of the camera, I don’t know. I want to direct, or maybe produce.
ITALIAN SAL, CYTHERIA, AND CORNHOLIO AND INDECENT PROPOSAL #3
SG: Question three: what do you think is funnier a midget, or, a monkey in a tuxedo?
C: [Laughing] I don’t know. A midget, that’s like a deformity. I don’t know. A monkey. A monkey in a tuxedo is definitely funnier.
SG: [Laughing] Yes, a monkey in a tuxedo is funnier, but not by much. Good answer. Question four. Can you tell me what this rash is? [Lifting his shirttail in the front and pulling down on the front of his slacks.]
C: [Laughing and covering her mouth.]
SG: Any ideas, any ideas at all?
C: You guys are great…
SG: Yes, yes we are. Question number five: Would you rather have
a maxed out Visa, or, a Meth habit?
C: Oh my God! I would definitely rather have a maxed out Visa.
SG: Well Cytheria you were great to interview and you got a great sense of humor. Thanks for your time, and if you don’t mind, can you take a look at my rash later? It’s itching like a Motherfucker…
ANTNEY MOMO ACTUALLY GETS IN TO THE AWARD SHOW
ANTNEY MOMO, TAYLOR WANE, & SOME BROAD WHO HE WAS TOO DRUNK TO REMEMBER WHO SHE WAS AND BESIDES WHICH WHEN HE TALKS IT'S ALL POPS AND HISSES ANYWAY AND SO WHO KNOWS? DR. X TOOK THE PHOTO AFTER WHICH HE COMMENTED "MOMO SURE LOOKS LIKE A HOMO."
ANTNEY MOMO don't write for SKULLGAME. ANTNEY MOMO is too busy making jack. And what do guys with jack do? They actually go IN to the award show rather than acting too cool for school by hanging at the bar as close as humanly possible to the award show but not actually IN the award show. ANTNEY wrote this report for us despite 1) being totally fucking drunk when he wrote it and 2) not speaking or writing any useful form of English.
BITCHES IZ BITCHES
I fucking love Porn. And I fucking love getting stumbling-over-waitresses drunk. And, if this can be fucking believed, I fucking love the cards. In short I love fucking Vegas! And the AVN Awards Show at the Venetian was the place to be in a town dedicated to pussy, booze and gambling.
So there I was. Walking past ITALIAN SAL, CORNHOLIO and STEELY ROB who, not having tickets were busy interviewing all manner of porn slut and buying drugs. Mostly buying drugs. But standing right in front of me in line was BELLADONNA, she of everything including the kitchen sink up her ass.
Everything including the kitchen sink but excluding my cock.
Once inside, I stood in the hall near the banquet room where I stuffed crackers in my pockets for the rest of my SKULLGAME brethren, and watched the rest of the broads arrive.
BRIANA BANKS and TERA PATRICK were there and it should be noted for the record that I fucked them both. I mean just between you and me.
ASK HER TO SHOW YOU THE "MONKEY IN THE PIPE" TRICK
EXTRA POINTS for the paid cock version of Mini-Me, clad in fur, arrived holding hands with some broad almost three feet taller than him!! Look up PIMP in the dictionary and you’ll find a fucking picture of Tattoo in there.
For the ceremony, host JENNA JAMESON was the ultimate sex goddess, in a Marilyn Monroe-inspired look. She looked so good, you could eat caviar from her pussy. Jenna was flanked on both sides of the stage by girls in bikinis, gyrating on dance poles while she pumped it for categories like Best Oral Sex Scene, Anal Sex Scene, Group Sex Scene, Three-Way Scene, and Specialty Tape - Spanking.
SOMETIMES THIS IS JUST WORK: THE HORRIFYING EX-MAN NAMED HOUSTON WITH THAT SAME BROAD. DR. X WAS TOTALLY SILENT WHEN TAKING THIS SHOT. TOTALLY.
And tits, tits, tits and tits were the evening’s recurring theme. You know at the Oscars, where the camera pans across the nominees in the audience and they smile? Well it was like that, except Tits.
ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES WE’D LIKE TO HEAR AT OTHER AWARDS SHOWS
"Thanks so much for letting me suck dick."--BELLADONNA, winner of the Best Couples Sex Scene (Video)
"Thank you very much. I like to get fucked."--Miscellaneous Skank
"Suck those dicks, ladies."--NICOLE SHERIDAN
NICOLE MAKING A COLLECT CALL TO JIZYLVANIA
