Yes, yes. While at your home, perhaps, the stockings are hung with extraspecial care in the hopes that that fat Santa sonuvabitch would soon be there, at MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME in full-blown holiday trance state we are as fucked up as fucked up could be, and hanging everything that we can hang off of our dicks right about now—from dingle balls to air fresheners to two-stroke engines--we are veritable modern day St. Nick’s, spreading joy and love to people everywhere. Especially if by joy and love you mean the man-mellow coconut oil.

So to TOM CRUISE we give the gift of always being happy, even when the chips are fucking down. Happy. Joyful. Gay.

TOM CRUISE AND MALE "FRIEND" JUST, UH, BEING FRIENDLY

To every PORNO DIRECTOR that closed the door on the sets that we’ve been in on, we toss up a grand FUCK YOU. Gift wrapped.

A "FUCK YOU"?!? JUST FOR ME?!?! OH. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

To the guys at ANABOLIC/DIABOLIC we grant you guys the gift of eternal life courtesy of SKULLGAME PROTECTION SERVICES.

AS AN ODE TO ASS FUCKING IT'S ONE OF THE BEST ASSFUCKING ODES AROUND

To KOBE BRYANT we give the gift of psychoANALysis. Only with the probingly psychoANALytical insight of a licensed ANALyst, can Kobe dig in, DEEP, and get behind the help he so richly deserves.

KOBE WITH WHAT IS MOST ASSUREDLY A WHITE WOMAN

To PENELOPE CRUZ we give the gift of being able to have sex, just once, where she lies on her back and doesn’t get called “Bob.”

MY BOYFRIEND? OH. HE'S OFF GETTING A MASSAGE WITH A FRIEND. WHY DO YOU ASK?

To COURTNEY LOVE we offer the gift of an annual stay in the WHAT’S YOUR GODDAMNED PROBLEM? WILLOWS REHAB CLINIC FOR HOPELESS, WORTHLESS JUNKIES THAT WANDER ALL OVER YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD ™.

AGGHHHHAGHHA....WE HATE EYES!!! WE HATE EYES!!!

To ELIZABETH HURLEY, the British Ghetto Queen, we offer cock, and a movie role commensurate with her talent but that most certainly involves cock.

YO YO YO...THROW ME UP MY UNDERWEAR AND I'LL BREAK YOU OFF SOME! I WAS DRYING IT ON THE BALCONY AND IT BLEW THE FUCK OFF

To PARIS HILTON we give the gift of a San Fernando mattress-strewn backyard with her very own lines of crank and a boyfriend named CHAMP.

HEYYYY CHAMP....HOW'S IT GOING CHAMP? HANG LOOSE THERE, CHAMP

To RYAN CONNER we bestow the gift of, yes, you guessed it: more penis.

HER ASS, OUR TEETH, THEY MEET. HOW SWEET.

To that old white broad MICHAEL JACKSON, we offer an internship at the Papal Ex Nihilo Institute of Science (PENIS), in the fine art of sinnin’ and forgivin’.

DOES KOBE REALLY WANT TO MEET ME? REALLY?

And finally to ALL THE GODDAMNED RELIGIOUS READERS OF MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME we offer a HEARTY and HEARTFUCKINGFELT "THANK YOU" for reading, taking, hating, and possibly loving our shit in 2003.

WE THINK THEIR SIGNS SAY "BIG COCKS"

HAVE A MERRY FUCKING GOOD CHRISTMAS AND A GODDAMNED NEW YEAR!!! SEE YOU ALL AT AVN!!! WE’LL BE THE ONES WITH THE BIG COCKS!