SANTA BARBARA (SkullGame)--Pop star Britney Spears shocked the fuck out of pals and waiters by urinating on a public beach after a night of huffing the muggles, groping the greenies, and getting all like hopped up on The Drugs.
The one-time squeaky-clean singer was enjoying herself with pals at Santa Barbara's Four Season's Hotel last weekend when the unpleasant incident took place.
CAN’T SOMEONE PISS IN PRIVATE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT ANYMORE?
An onlooker explains, "It was a very unusual night. The group sat outside, then moved in after the meal. They were in high spirits, drinking, smoking, cuddling, sucking and even fucking.
"Britney then jumped up and joined the restaurant pianist to sing some or like FIVE of her goddamned new songs. We just wanted her to stop. But you could tell she thought she was very good in that kind of disgustingly self-satisfied way that those fucking pricks on Star Search used to have. Kind of like the kid you waited for to toss an ass-kicking to. Anyways, everyone was impressed. Especially is by ‘everyone’ you mean, the two waiters who’d have hopped to for Hitler if it meant a better tip."
The party then ventured outside to the beach: the spy continues, "It was UNGODDAMNEDBELIEVABLE. The four of them were huddled at the water's edge, then Britney staggered and drunkenly dropped her jeans and flung her piss-dribbling privates into the sand where she pissed like a race horse.
"Her friend also went and they didn't seem embarrassed doing it in front of the boys, or waiters. Straight after that, the boys took of their shirts, picked up the girls and raced into the water to give that nasty snatch a good swabbing down since the later party was understood to be having a railroad motif, they wanted it seawater fresh for the pounding that was afoot. In any case it was a wild fucking evening and that’s the goddamned truth."
"SKULLGAME WRITERS GET STICKSTANKED LAST NIGHT AND SO THIS IS THE BEST THEY COULD DO," SAYS POTENTATE VINNIE ROSE
RAPE COUNSELOR WANTING TO GET CLOSER TO THE ACTION, NOW GETTING LIFE IN PRISON FOR RAPE, WHERE HE WILL, OF COURSE, BE SUBSEQUENTLY RAPED FOR LIFE
RAPE IS NOT FUNNY. ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M BEING RAPED
ENGLAND (SkullGame)--Dr. Shaun Farrell, a former university lecturer, raped one of his students THREE goddamned times and then struck again while on goddamned bail. Though his first rape victim, who he subjected to a horrific 24-hour ordeal late last year after she ended their three-year relationship, was known to him, he then went on to rape a 19-year-old holidaymaker on the day he was due in court for the first set of charges.
When reached for comment CHARLES BRONSON said sagely while strolling away from the cell where the erstwhile rape counselor was now being raped, "Now THAT'S justice."
DRIVEN TO KILL BY HIS IMPOTENCE: BRIT BARMAN "CONFESSES" TO COSTA MURDER
SPAIN (SkullGame)--BARMAN Tony King admitted quite sensibly that he killed a girl aged 17 when he was unable to have sex with her, police said yesterday.
JESUS. AT FIRST WE THOUGHT THEY FINALLY GOT HABIB.
"Well when I couldn't forcibly fuck her in a fit of rage, I thought I'd forcibly kill her in that same fit of rage. Is that illegal here or something? Because it sure as hell ain't back in ol' Blighty," said the juiced out, coked up sandal wearing sex criminal.
Drinkers and workmates of King spoke of his MANY sexual problems, apparently having nothing at all to do with his excessive consumption of alcohol, cocaine and muscle-building steroids. King, also a club bouncer, had had a history of violence.
But bar regular "Steve," a 34-year-old construction worker in tight, tight pants on from Somerset, said "When he was really drunk, he would talk of his sexual problems. He got really, really down about it. And I guess, well, I guess I was just the kind of friend that he needed. You know, one with a good head on his shoulders."
King's Spanish partner, mum-of-three Mari Luz Gallego, 40, said on Spanish TV yesterday "At 8.30pm next day he came back to the house. There were scratches on his face, his hands were swollen, and he had blood on his trousers. He said he'd had an accident in his car. Why shouldn't I believe him?"
OVERSTRETCHED U.S. PRIEST QUESTION CELIBACY RULING ON ACCOUNT OF WANTING TO FUCK AND ALL, BUT VATICAN RESISTS
Inspiring tremblingly repressed young Catholic men to join the priesthood's Homo Club Med has become a problem in the United States, where there are now more than 3,000 parishes without priests due to them fleeing en masse the long arm of anti-sodomy statutes.
Even in parishes that do have priests, the priests often say they are overwhelmed with work.
I AM GUILTY OF NOTHING BUT LOVING, NOT POORLY, BUT UNWISELY. AND IN THE ASS.
"There's many days where I start at about 7:00 in the morning, and I go right through 'til about 11:00 at night. And that's not very good when you're 70 years old," said Monsignor John Powlis, who in addition to conducting mass at a church in Brooklyn for 44 years, has spent the lionshare of the rest of his time engaged in SODOMY, SODOMY and SODOMY. "It's a tough job. A very tough job," he sighs, looking longingly back into the rectory.
The shortage is one reason priests in Milwaukee sent a letter to church leaders recently supporting the idea of married clergy. Priests in several other cities may soon do the same.
Powlis and other American priests believe they would get the help they need if the church would accept married priests.
"If a person wants to be married and wants to be a priest, I see no problem with that at all," Powlis said. "It shouldn't interfere in his aggressively applied interest in intergenerational butt burglary."
But Vatican opposition to the concept remains strong and the church is standing fast. Its leaders believe that by being celibate, a priest can be more fully devoted to the church and his community. And a life of unremitting homosexual sodomy.
"It is a discipline. It is a way of life that has a great value in the church," said Bishop Joseph Galanta of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
AND THEN THE SEX WE PROMISED: MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME QUIZ
Who would you rather fuck and would there be a qualitative difference between fucking the near NUDE "JENNIFER" and her shirtless paramour "BRAD"?
FUCK HER? I DAMNED NEAR WRECKED HER!
A GLASS OF WINE, A TUBE OF LUBE AND THOU
Or, the luscious Latina "PENELOPE" and her hottubbing hubby "TOM"?
DONDE ESTA EL PATO?
OH YOU DID BRING THE LOTION! THANK YOU SO MUCH HENRY.
EMAIL YOUR ANSWERS TO VINNIE@SKULLGAME.COM with the subject heading "I'M REALLY NOT GAY VINNIE"
Note: We in no way, shape or means want it inferred that we believe TOM CRUISE to be GAY or anything other than the HETEROSEXUAL MAN he's so fond of playing in his multimillion dollar motion pictures.
