CRUSHING IRONIES COME HOME TO ROOST

So's Heidi "Ho" Fleiss, former madam and apparently also now a former celebrity punching bag, is doing the whole Sammy the Bull Gravano bit: sobbing on the witness stand while singing a tune that's sure to fry the fat of serial slap-artist Tommy "Big" Sizemore.

I WILL SLAP THE FUCK OUTTA YOU!!! NOW SMILE!!!

Yeah yeah t'aint nothing funny about domestic abuse but, wait a minute...yeah there is. And we mean funny in a kind of not funny way. Like when the slut your friends told you was a slut turns out to actually BE a slut. Like when Sean Penn tied Madonna to a chair while screaming and throwing things at her. Like when Fleiss got fried for playing pimp. Like when the pimp finally gets pimp-slapped. It's THAT kind of funny. Biting irony kind of funny.

THE SLAP STAR AT SOLEDAD ABOUT TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED RAPE & RELAXATION

And Tommy "I'm Not a Tough Guy, I Just Play One" Sizemore slapped that bitch because she told Howard Stern that she didn't like "BLACKHAWK DOWN"? Hope you have a bionic arm motherfucker because if you start slapping people who hated THAT piece of shit NOW you might be finished around the same time your 13 year bid runs out.

A big SKULLGAME, "FUCK YOU BOTH" goes out to youse. And we mean that in the best way possible.

UNDERAGE MEAT BEATS THE STREET WITH SNOOP DOGG TALE

Snoop "Motherfucking" Dogg is presently being hemmed in by some southern sluts for plying them with E and weed and getting them to flash their pathetic teen tits for the amusement of all who would deem to purchase "Girls Gone Wild: Doggy Style".

Shit.

If that was a fucking crime we'd ALL be in jail.

Note to southern slam pounds: Remember to always get paid in something other than COCK. Something like CASH. This allows you to avoid the whole public defaming of your otherwise sterling, E-popping, weed-smoking, booze banging character.

HOW MUCH WEED AND E MUST BE CONSUMED BEFORE YOU CONSENT TO BE IN A GIRLS GONE WILD VIDEO? YEAH. WE THOUGHT SO.

FREE ROB BLACK AND LIZZY BORDEN...

...from making anymore movies with midgets, clowns, and/or midget clowns in them. It's not funny.

It's just...not...funny.

Yeah, I know ITALIAN SAL thinks so. And I know HABIB thinks so. But these are the kind of guys who think RETARDS are funny.

Now just stop it. If you wanna do something EXTREME, next time have ME fuck ANYTHING on film and I guarantee you the world will stop dead in its fucking tracks.

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?

MEAT ERIKA KANE
www.KissModels.com

AGGHHHH....STOP TALKING. JUST STOP TALKING.

WW: Why do you love anal so much?
EK: I feel it cleanses my colon. It's makes me feel fresh.
WW: Are you available for work?
EK: Yes. I work for Kiss Models. And I want to find a plumber for my chocolate starfish.