YO VINNIE,

I've spent my whole life fantasizing about having a threesome. Right now I'm in a great relationship with a woman I love but my greatest fear is that my lifelong dream will go unfulfilled. Am I crazy? Is a threesome as good as its cracked up to be? And I'm talking about two woman and me. I don't know who the fuck wants another erection in the room?--Craig Spearman, Santa Fe, NM (by email)

Dear Three's Company. Whoa whoa whoa, don't knock the "two sausages and a roll" party, pally. Once you get over the-other-dude's-unit weirdness you'll realize that it's like BEING in a porno movie (that would, ah, be YOU) and WATCHING a porno movie (that would be the stunt cock).

But that wasn't your question. Your trembling, sweaty upper lip question was whether a threesome is worth sullying your beautiful bullshit love idyll for and the answer is without a doubt: HELL YEAH.

No better feeling than having TWO TWO TWO mints in one and feeling four lips wrapped around your cock is Tony the Tiger Great for so many reasons that I can't even begin to list them all here but suffice it to say that part of it has to do with the BECAUSE YOU CAN factor.

That is, the fact that you're even here to begin with means that YOU ARE THE SHIT.

Now let's get back to the problems...and they are manifold.

1) the chicks have to be Bi or have Bi-tendencies or they're just waiting on YOU and nobody needs that kind of pressure BELIEVE ME (this rules out most sister teams)

2) if one chick is your regular chick you must tread very lightly here by like, for example, letting her pick the other woman. She will pick someone not good looking enough to be a threat but not so ugly that you can't get it up. Unless she's angry with you, in which case she will get a beast to discourage you from ever wanting to try this again. And finally

3) she will ask for turn around and YOU HAD BETTER BE PREPARED because it takes a special man to watch his woman sucking a cock like mine without having a fucking nervous breakdown or something.