YO VINNIE,
I got this dick-shaped lube bottle stuck in a chick's vag one nite. Ya know...usin' it like a dildo. Some kinda suction lock up or something. I soaked her in the tub, soaped it all up but still it wouldn't budge. I yanked on it until her eyes sucked in. It was like a boot stuck in a river of mud. Finally I took her to the hospital, and she's walkin' around the waitin' room like a duck, later on they had to cut the bottle up to get it freed up. As if this ain't all bad enuf it's a catholic hospital and the nuns are all stink eyein' me, so I split and picked her up when they finished gettin' her unplugged. Any suggestions so this don't happen again? I love
stickin' stuff in holes so quitin' ain't an option. your chum, bad otis (by email

Otis, my man. Suggestions? Why yes. Try using something that has a little more give to it, something a little less odd-shaped, something a little bit more like, um, maybe, you know, YOUR FUCKING COCK! What the hell's the matter with all these kids today??!? What with the dildos and weirdos and what not. I'll tell you something O, I think we got ourselves a generation of men withOUT a fucking clue about what to use their cocks for. Well that's what SKULLGAME is for: we'll periodically remind you. COCK goes IN hole.

Alternate suggestions to tide you through that 5 minutes after you bow your load and are ready to go again:

spatulas
ice cream scoops
screwdriver handles
and un, dildos.

Notice: things with goddamned handles.