YO VINNIE,
I know this chick. She's a fan of the double team. Not just a one time fling thing but several double teams, several places. Well eventually I was double teaming her alone. I mean I was fucking her alone. She had boyfriends the whole time but then the inevitable happened: because I knew The REAL Her it got so's that none of the other guys could really compete. Long story much tragically shorter: she's in love. While I know she's too good to be gotten rid of how the fuck do I slip out of her house-car-cats-kids-&-walks-on-the-beach bit whilst retaining her? -- TONY (by email)

I...I...I THINK I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THIS COCK IN MY MOUTH. BUT HOW TO BREAK IT TO THE COCK UP MY COOCH? HOW?!?!?

Dear Rest Haven 4 Hoes: The objective is here and always the same: to bang as many broads as many times as possible with relative impunity withOUT having to pay for it. To quote Buckminster Fuller. Or The Old Dirty Bastard. Or whoever the fuck: "we want pussy!!! For FREE!!!" So, yes, how to avoid those fucking balloon payments of long talks about shit that ain't concern you in the slightest, visits to her parents, and the undeniably inevitable attempt to impinge on your extra-pussy-curriculars. I'll tell you how: lie.

Very simple. Much like the nation-state of Italy you must agree to everything and do nothing.

I mean she tells you she's in love and you're supposed to....?!?! Care??! Reciprocate?!!? Start going to poetry readings?!?! Fuck that. Her being in love, unless she carries a knive, is clearly HER problem, not yours. But the important thing is this thing that you should never forget: as long as the deli's serving you got to be eating.

Count your blessings, drop as many loads as you can before she finds you out, and as usual, feel free to let the rest of us bang her as long as she'll be banged before she's visited by the over-powering urge to de-sluttify her whole double ding dong act.