A stunning textbook definition of God DAMN

WHAT THE FUCK DID WE TELL YOU?!?!?!!? ......GOD DAMN!!!

Easter. Thanksgiving. St. Patty's Day. And now: ASS. As in PARADE. As in ASS PARADE (we spell out the obvious for our readers in Ohio, or more specifically, Browns fans). In analyzing the completely ecstatic enjoyment of ASS we came up with a mulligan's stew of reasons why ASS should really be the sine qua non of erotic enjoyment for men who don't also happen to be Negroes.

1) Asses can't be faked. You either have a good one or you do not. There are no ass implants. Especially if you don't count cock, which is, as always, a reliable ass addendum.

2) Small & proportional works just as well as big and bulbous. Fat and fucking sloppy, however, are for specialists only. Or Vinnie. And Italian Sal.

3) Asses CAN be fucked. While you imagine that you've fucked someone's tits, in reality, you are merely fucking the space between said tits. Whereas with ass you are FUCKING THE ASS.

4) Nobody got pregnant from an ass fucking.

5) Ass is best seen from behind. As in she's walking AWAY or being fucked. Events that are usually occurring in close proximity to each other anyway.

6) You can slap the fuck out of Ass before you start to cull serious cop calling complaints (witness: faces, heads, her mother).

7) You don't have to fuck it to enjoy it (though it helps). Try saying that about the pussy. Yeah. Exactly.

8) Though you will have to regularly engage in life and death struggles for Ass access with an axis of forces composed of Greeks, Negroes and Turks, you will never have to jockey for pole position with the Chinee Man. And there are like 42 billion of those fuckers out there so count yourselves lucky.

So, ah, welcome to the ASS PARADE......this is where you knew you'd END UP all along.