YO VINNIE,
During the good times me and the old lady filmed each other fucking for fun and giggles. But now that she's dumped me, she's demanding the tapes and that no copies be made. She says it seems like porno and she "wants to own her image." I say that it's part of my personal history that's really no different than those pictures we took of us on vacation that, incidentally, she ain't asking for. Your take? -- Video Video (by email)

A VACATION SHOT THAT'S ALSO A FUCKING FLICK: AN EXPLOITABLE LOOPHOLE? OR PRURIENT ENJOYMENT FOR SKULLGAME READERS OF ALL STRIPES? YOU BE THE JUDGE!!!

Dear CECIL B. DEMILLE: Well since it's virtually impossible for her to tell if you made a copy if YOU keep the copy we'd say this falls into the philosophical symbolic zone of complete and total horseshit. The kind of shit that kids fucking around in college worry about while wasting their parents cash going lesbo for a semester while studying sapphic strophes.

In this instance though we just ask WHAT THE FUCK WOULD CARMINE DO (WTFWCD)? Carmine used to work out at The Olympia in Ridgewood, and was most known for choosing the unlikeliest option if it advanced his general worldview, which ran the gamut from pissing in hotel vases to having someone suck off his shit-smeared finger at the restaurant where he worked under the guise of "tasting" what he was cooking. You get the idea: a chaos artist. So we called him and this is what he said, "Fuck that chick. She ain't asking for nothing else BUT that? No way. Make a copy, give her the original and if she asks if you did just that say, 'Fuck yes I did.' I mean you're supposed to destroy it? Why the fuck did you FILM it to begin with?

Oh yeah. And then you should post it up at youse website."

Beautiful.