But first, THE SKULLGAME PERSONAL OF THE WEEK....

ME AT HALLOWEEN DRESSED UP AS A RACE CAR DRIVER. HA HA HA........HA.

Man looking for a no-strings attached encounter that will definitely NOT involve any kind of killing. So just to recap: just FUCKING, no KILLING. In fact, you have my word as a killer that there will only be fucking involved and that I am almost absolutely sure that I'm finished with that killing thing and really just want to do some fucking. NOT killing. Today. I promise. OK?

JESSICA ALBA'S AMAZING SLUT-BE-GONE FEMININE DEODORANT. FOR THOSE NOT-SO-FRESH DAYS

"HAVING JUST MET VINNIE ROSE I AM NOW RESOLVED TO NEVER BE THE FUCKING SLUT I HAD ONCE BEEN. YES. HE ACTUALLY INSPIRES THIS KIND OF EDIFYING GOODNESS. THANK GOD"

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- JESSICA ALBA is through with actors and sleeping around. Alba was only 18 when she got engaged to MICHAEL WEATHERLY, the man she describes as "knowing his way around a dick almost like he had owned one," while they were co-starring in "Dark Angel." When that didn't work out, Alba tells SkullGame she decided never to date an actor again.

She also admitted she went through "a wild period" after that. She said she had no problem being with a guy just for sex. Or several guys just for sex. Or men with cash. Midgets. Preop trannies. "Whatever. Whenever." Just for sex.

But now, she said, she thinks she's found "the one." His name is CASH WARREN and he's not an actor, though he is GAY what with that fucking stupid assed moniker, and is more than glad to have his gay name publicly linked with a such-like inveterate cock chain smoker like Alba.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE DAUGHTER: ELIZABETH JAGGER'S NEW SEX VID SHOWS HER SUCKING MUCHO MAN COCKO

LIKE DAUGHTER, LIKE COKED UP MOTHER. ALL'S THAT'S MISSING? A GAY NEGRO WITH A HARD ON. OH. WAIT A MINUTE...SAMUEL L. JACKSON IS HERE. OK. NEVERMIND. SAMUEL L. JACKSON AS RAYMOND ST. JACQUES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

LONDON (SkullGame) -- Pictures purporting to show ROLLING STONE MICK JAGGER's daughter ELIZABETH performing intimate, private and personal acts of a highly sexual nature that rhymes with FlowGob, in a London nightclub with the son of legendary soccer star GEORGE BEST, have been published in a British newspaper that SkullGame is presently negotiating with for secondary rights usage.

The 20-year-old model was reportedly filmed romping, especially if by "romping" you mean "sucking cock like cock was going out of style," with CALUM BEST in the capital's exclusive KABARAT PROPHECY in the early hours of Friday morning - following a party thrown by fashion designer MATTHEW WILLIAMSON - in full view of astonished staff.

CCTV footage appears to show Best exposing himself in the venue's doorway before grabbing Jagger in an intimate clinch. The pair then continued their sexual escapades despite being interrupted on three occasions by passers-by whose entreaties to join said sausage fun were soundly ignored by the selfish cunt.

A source tells SkullGame, "They didn't care that all their groping and petting could easily be seen by security and other guests and just carried on. Right up to the sticky finish. What can I say? I'm choked up. BIANCA would be so proud and would have been here today if she weren't delivering slack-lipped suck jobs to Nicaraguan farmers for peace or wherever the fuck she is these days."

MICHAEL JACKSON HUMPS TICKLE ME ELMO AND COUNTERS CHARGES BY SUGGESTING THAT THE MUPPET, "ASKED FOR IT."

C'MON....DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF FREAK WHO COCK WRESTLES WITH LIFE-SIZED REPLICAS OF FEMINIZED NEGRO MIDGETS? SHEESH.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The secret court documents that were leaked to the US web site, The Smoking Gun, have revealed that pop star Michael Jackson once pretended to, in a move that's hammered big giant coffin nails into his future as anything other than a Protective Custody freak, have sex with a child mannequin in his bedroom.

The 14-year-old, who says Michael Jackson molested him, claims that the star chortled as he lay on top of the undressed mannequin of a female child. The cancer victim told a Grand Jury hearing held behind closed doors: "Michael was acting like he was having sex with it," the Sun quoted the cancer victim as saying.

The boy's younger brother endorsed this charge by saying: "The mannequin in his bedroom was a female child, African American, and she would be sitting at the back left of his bedroom. He picked it up and was pretending like he was humping it on the bed. He was on top. And calling her Emmanuel and all whatnot."

The California Grand Jury heard the boys' statements last year before deciding there was enough evidence to put that fucking lunatic Jackson on trial.