Yo Vinnie,
My girl arranges a foursome. We get to a foursome. I get into it with the other woman. She freaks out. Until next time. Where the scenario is repeated. I've gotten closer to and NOT gotten pussy no fewer than three times before the inevitable pouting, complaining, hard-on deadening action makes it all screech to a halt. Suggestions? -- Hole in None (by email)

I WONDER WHICH ONE I WILL NOT BE FUCKING TONIGHT?

Dear HOLY FUCKING MOLEY: Like LUCY and CHARLIE BROWN and that fucking football, you are in what we social scientists call a "totally fucked up situation." She, perhaps sparked by some sad idea of sexual adventure, sets the ball up for you to kick it in the hole and then she snatches it away at the last second FOR HER AMUSEMENT. (Believe me, it wouldn't have gotten this far if she wasn't amused by it.)

But you asked for a solution and here it is: advertise for very ugly broads. I mean total beefaloes. Chicks that nobody in their right mind would fuck. She feels sorry for the girl and in full-blown Mother Theresa fashion is thusly glad to share your cock. The girl, in total Salvation Army style, is glad because she's getting cock. YOU, of course, in the total raped-in-the-woods Deliverance deal, are in absolute and abject misery.

PROBLEM SOLVED.