Yo Vinnie,
I needed some money. I asked a friend for it. And he gave it to me. But afterward he took out his penis and tried to make me suck it. He told me to jerk him off. He told me to pull my tits out so he could jerk off on them and so he did. I told him I had boyfriend. Why did he do this? I mean it was just a loan which I will pay back. So in the guy's mind I didn't owe this did I? -- Stunned (by email)

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Dear STUNNED & SPOOGED: The mistake that you've made here is in thinking the money was a causative agent at all. In your causal universe, you filthy fucking slut, you, you have built bridges between your desperate need for cash, your ability to pay back said cash and your right to skip down The Path of Least Cocksistance.

No go.

You see any man anywhere that has anything at all to do with MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME will drive the same sort of bargain here given the following items: a car, a broad, and a broad apparently willing to have her tits jerked off upon. It's simple economics and the man in question was a gentlemen and a scholar because he could have done the total lowlife scumbag motherfucker thing and rubberbanded the bills to his balls and made you suck it to get paid.

This he did not do. As for the whole boyfriend issue, well we'll leave you to puzzle that out betwixt yourself, your God, and the 200,000 readers of this page, KATHY WOODS.