YO VINNIE,
I have not a bullshit problem. First night, partying, get back to her hotel room (we were in Vegas). Fuck. Pulled it off despite the alcohol but here's where my problems started and since there's just no delicate way to say it, I'll just say it: I pissed her bed. Blame it on the beer, the bud, whatever. This was beyond embarrassing to say the least and lame apologies don't seem to cover it. Worse thing of all? We travel in the same social circles here in Denver. What to do? -- No Name Please, Denver (by email)

SHOCK, SURPRISE & THEN EVENTUAL SATISFACTION WHEN IT'S REALIZED...YES: YOU DIDN'T WET ONLY THE BED. YOU WET HER TOO! SCORE!!!

Dear DAVE DIETRICH: Your piss problem is precisely the kind of problem that makes what we do here so fulfilling, because it's at moments like these when we feel like THE SKULLGAME MINISTRY is doing not only what it's NEEDS to do, but what it WANTS to do. Like laugh long and hard at your predicament. I mean you act like you're the first guy to ever piss someone else's bed. We do this shit all the time. Especially as it makes much more sense to piss someone else's bed than it does to piss your own.

But your problem isn't so much with that but with the fact that she will in all likelihood forget the solid fucking you laid down on her that night and ONLY remember the piss party. To which we say, from our own personal experience: just be glad she can't tie you to the crap she found in the planter box on the balcony.