Yo Vinnie,
Me and my girl got into an argument about something. And one thing led to another and she started pulling some shit that she learned in this jiu jitsu class she's been taking and choked me out. Now I'm modern enough of a man to not have this be a problem but it's sort of fucked up the mini-dynamics of a relationship. You guys fight, what do I do?--Busted and Bashful (by email)

OH. OOO. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. I BRING A GUN TO AN ASSKICKING AND DISCOVER THAT I LIKE SHOW TUNES.

Dear Susan: What fucking MICRO-dynamics?!?! You mean the ones that kick in when you live with someone whose ass you can kick? And now the bloom is off the rose and you're wondering how you can snow her into believing you still wear the pants AND the cock? Forget it. You are sunk. Our suggestions? Start taking jiu jitsu, either secretly or with her, and get the fucking balance of power back on your side so that when she comes into the room you can go back to "I'm watching the game" instead of "yes, dear." Either that or resign yourself to being called Susan by us everytime you write in MR. DAVE DIETRICH.