Yo Vinnie,
I have problem with a guy who's trying to fuck my girlfriend by telling her that I'm cheating on her. What would a guy do about that?--D.D. (by email)

NOT THIS

Dear DAVE DIETRICH: One of these days your pooh butt will learn to not expect me to respect your anonymity, DAVE. But what would a guy do about another guy lying about the whereabouts of said guy's cock? You mean what would I do? Or what should be done? Or more precisely what should you do? All very different things. I would do nothing since if she wants to fuck him she will, if he wants to fuck her he'll try and the fact that he's telling lies about me? Well I could not give a fuck. It is widely ASSUMED that I am an asshole anyway so this would surprise no one. Especially no GIRL that might consider herself my girlFRIEND. What should be done/should you do? Murder him. Thanks for asking.