This continuing installment of the SKULLGAME SLATTERN SYMPOSIUM is brought to you by our proud sponsors at JACK MOVES: Where Poverty Is Just A State Of Mind.
YOUR PROPERTY IS OUR CONCERN!
CAMERON DIAZ: AMERICA'S SWEETHEART ALSO, INCIDENTALLY, A SLURPING SLUT. SEE?!?! WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SO
MS. DIAZ (ON RIGHT), DARLING OF STAGE, SCREEN AND SLUT, WALKING HER GIMP
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The fraud being perpetrated on an unsuspecting American public regarding the fiction of wholesome, exploded today in what appears to be only the tip of a much more gooned out iceberg regarding America's so-called Sweetheart, superstar slutress CAMERON DIAZ.
Coming in the form of a recently uncovered S&M porno being offered by a Russian porno site, the video shows Diaz, semi-nude, prancing, skipping, grinning, romancing a brunette and a well-oiled man in bondage gear who requests that she use some compressed air to help him with his,um, anal fissures.
Well, that's pretty SWEET.
IT MOST CERTAINLY IS
A Los Angeles Superior Court judge has issued an anti-slut injunction banning anyone from distributing slut photos and slut video from the film.
Whatever.
COMPARISON POINT: MICHELLE PFEIFFER.
HATH NOT A TROLLOP NIPS? IF WE BUT PRICK THEM DO THEY NOT COCONUT?
While MICHELLE PFEIFFER is pretty goddamned wholesome, her debut as a coked out Lady Macbeth in SCARFACE provided less protective bulllshit for her than the Diaz slut's chirpy siren shit. In other words, seeing Pfeiffer here we all secretly think, "ah we knew it." DIAZ, however, is a SECRET slut and this is worth its weight in gold as it ably hides UNTOLD depths of depravity.
SKULLGAME VOTE: CAMERON DIAZ is a secret slut who, before the year is out, will be secretly swabbing her lips with the secretly collected semen of a nation. Of Negroes. BRAVO!!!
THE OLSEN TWINS: SO FUCKING CREEPY AND NICE THEY NAMED THEM TWICE: SEVENTEEN AND SADLY SLUTTY
IS THE SNATCH FLASHER THE VOMIT QUEEN SLUT? OR VICE VERSA?
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Either way one of these creepy fucking broads, who a nation of goddamned degenerates has been waiting to see in various states of sausage stuffing undress, has upped the creep ante by being a food freak. Certain members of SKULLGAME who will remain nameless like SEAN HAYNES love these anorexic, bulemic, addle-headed ho's. Us members of the SKULLGAME board find it interferes in a good cock stiffening. Slut or not, we want these broads OUT though.
COMPARISON POINT: WINONA RYDER.
"WOO HOOOOOO!!!" YES. YES, DEAR. WOO HOO.
WINONA RYDER, under normal circumstances, gets points off for fucking DAVE PIRNER, an ass lick if we ever saw one. She'd get points off for AUTUMN IN NEW YORK. And she'd especially get points off for not giving the people what they want. Namely: her naked ass in the air.
But these are all outweighed by the whole drug-addled shoplifting, getting busted by the pig shit, you hoochie mama you.
SKULLGAME VOTE: Give us the crazy bathtub bitch anyday. She don't smell like no vomit.
This concludes the second installment of our multi-week symposium. On sluts. More in-depth examinations on the basis of our collective insider information as the talks progress. On sluts.
WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENED TO...TERI WEIGEL?
PLAYING WITH PLAYBOY: LAME AS IT EVER WAS.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- In an archetypical jiz rags to riches and back to jiz rags story, former PLAYBOY playmate TERI WEIGEL got into porn, yada yada yada...then did the whole bad decision rondele: car wrecks, fights with cops, legal bills, until skidding to a stop at what could only be described as HOME: Fucking guys with mullets in whorehouses in Nevada while her husband towels her off between takes.
Her recent successes with mullet management aside, she recently won a Lifetime Achievement from FOXE and for this...
IT'S A LONG WAY TO THE TOP IF YOU WANT TO ROCK AND ROLL WITH MULLETED DUDES WITH ORANGE SHIT ON THEIR FACES
SKULLGAME salutes you baby.
AND SPEAKING OF PROSTITUTION....
ANOTHER ROUGH NIGHT AT CASA SKULL
Say hello to SASHA...she came by our place wanting to break into the BIZ and subsequently got railed. Then asked for the money.
Note to amateurs: always get the CASH up front.
We said we had none. She was a bit peeved that she had taken about 16 inches of cock, up the chuter, with a coconut surprise at the end for NOTHING.
Well we, appalled at the face of such naked greed, PUT HER OUT. As we're sure you would have. She called later to complain about the money, said we were exploiting her and were probably already selling her pictures on the web. We said we give it all away for FREE. She said she was living in a 24 hour Kinkos. She said she'd come into town to kick our asses if she could only afford the car fare. We said...
Well we're not monsters. Motivated eventually by guilt we talked amongst ourselves and took up a charitable collection called CAB FARE FOR COCONUT OIL and managed to raise $50, which was duly offered to her if she she made it in.
We'd even throw in another double teaming. For free. In fact since we know that charity is demeaning for many we promised to make her receiving the $50 CONTINGENT on the double teaming.
She hung up the phone a little too fast but we figured she would show. She did not. How are you going to help these people if they can't help themselves? Hunh? How?!? How?!?!
Well... well, we don't know but we can only try. We can only try.
