Our House?

SWALLOWING? NO. GLAZING? WHY, YES, OF COURSE.

STEELY ROB made the best of all possible points in a recent review: that it's all about the set up with these motherfuckers.

To whit: Left-handed college dropouts jerk jiz onto the third knuckled finger of 11th graders. In Alabama. On Tuesdays.

Uh hunh. See what this does is allow them to proclaim with a great deal of certainty: WE SELL THE BEST GODDAMNED LEFT-HANDED COLLEGE DROPOUT JERK JIZ VIDEOS IN TOWN!!!!

Whatever.

Which is what we say when someone from AMATEUR ALLURE tugged on our coats. Or cocks: whatever. I mean the only reason why the name is cool is because it has that alluringly amateurish alliterative quality and even sort of rhymes and if you know what the hell I just said and think it matters well you're even gayer than I am for writing it.

But Amateur Allure Doug McClure aside, this site specializes in unlikely looking sluts tellingly involved in the highly likely love of coconut.

Juice, that is. Mellow gold. Texas fucking tea.

And they do with earth-shattering regularity. We say "earth shattering" because we will bet you dollars to donuts that a solid 85 percent of these ho's just came off of a weekend of saying NO to the prospect of jiz jerkage after a long, hard week of saying YES to jiz jerkage for a price tag that totals much, much less than the average mook would pay for the endless dating cycle he'd find himself fucked into with these broads.

And if that ain't a fucking earth-shattering reality we don't know what is.