Yo Vinnie,
I got into an argument with my girlfriend while we were driving down the freeway in my van. In the middle of the argument, she grabbed the steering wheel and I almost spun into the side of a bridge. She's pretty strong and wouldn't let go until I punched her off of the steering wheel? Now I'm looking at 10 months in lockdown. What the fuck?--J.L. (by email)

JESUS RETURNS TO EARTH TO SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF CHERYL TIEGS

Dear Punching Judy: REAL MEN NEVER HIT WOMEN!!! Don't you know that?!?Well unless she's trying to crash the van. Or unless she's coming at you with a knife. Or a ballpeen hammer. Or that statue of the Virgin Mary that you got over by the bookshelf. Or if she fucks a German pornographer while you're away on business. Or if she doses you with acid, steals a few of your leather jackets and the rest of the drugs that she didn't dose you with leaving just enough so that there's something there for the police to find while you wander barefooted around the lawn talking to handpuppets. But outside of that IT'S NEVER OKAY TO HIT A WOMAN. Ride your 10 months out like a man and stop complaining.