The scenario is all at once vaguely familiar and specifically strange in its reassertion that women know as much about men as they do about post-production fuck film profit margins.
He: "Come on, babe. I just want to see what we look like on film."
She: "And you'll destroy it later?"
He: "Of course, babe. I'm making it precisely SO I can destroy it later."
IT'S OKAY, HONEY BUNNY. I BELIEVE YOU.
CALCULATING WHORE GENA LEE NOLIN AVERAGES THE VIG AND SUBSEQUENTLY PRODUCES HER FIRST STOLEN FUCK FLICK UNDER THE ABLE ADVISEMENT OF HER AGENT, CORNHOLIO MALMSTEIN
I JUST WANT MY PRIVACY...AND 30 PERCENT OF THE GROSS BACK
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Former BAYWATCH injection molded "star" and significantly diminishing media place holder GENA LEE NOLIN has rendered the appearance of stepping up her lawsuit to keep her sex video from hitting the Internet as Web sites threaten to show all. Especially if by all you mean those hockey pucks she calls tits.
The raunchy video, which features Nolin with her business savvy ex-husband Greg Fahlman playing with sex toys and sucking and fucking like sucking and fucking was being made an Olympic sport, is set to hit porn sites in the next few weeks, greatly improving her PR value, her bid for her new reality show pitch and her lasting impression as a stain that will never be removed from the soul of the world.
And Nolin is out to "stop" the "film" from "ever" seeing the light of day.
I'M HAVING SEX ON FILM. QUICK. DON'T LOOK!!! UNTIL YOUR CREDIT CARD CLEARS.
The actress' legal spokesperson and PR manager says, "She's extremely aggravated and upset...at not having thought of this before. We're sending out demand letters immediately to Web sites that either have Gena Lee Nolin's name or are advertising the sex video to make sure her name appears ABOVE Paris Hilton's. And that she gets 28 percent in pre-tax earnings.
"Oh yeah, I should also add that the tape, based on my understanding, got out 'accidentally' and there was a 'breach' of 'trust' and all."
KIM BASINGER SET TO APPEAR IN AN EXPLOITED MOMS! FEATURETTE
I'M READY FOR MY PASTE SHOT MR. DEMILLE
CHATSWORTH (SkullGame) -- Movie beauty and SKULLGAME fav KIM BASINGER is set to shock audiences in her next film by appearing completely naked -- at the age of 50 -- with a clutch of cocks lodged in her cracks, in the hopes of breaking the prodigious PARIS HILTON buy rates.
The Oscar-winning actress defies her advancing years and the conventional wisdom by having her first hardcore sex on the Web in the upcoming EXPLOITED MOMS feature film "The Door in the Floor," where she has a sex scene with teenager Jon Foster.
A source says, "She's still got the cash and body of a young woman in her prime interest rate."
NEWSFUCKINGFLASH: SKULLGAME BANNED FROM WEDNESDAY NIGHT PORN CONFAB
THE MEETING TAKES A TURN FOR THE PREDICTABLE
SAN FERNANDO (SkullGame) -- So's the porn producers disinvited MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME from their recent War Room meeting where a discussion on the expanding HIV crisis was to take place. The meeting, fresh from the shock of a third HIV case emerging (as of press time it was JESSICA DEE), was attended by the ACLU and other legal advocacy groups who are investigating breaches in protocol regarding the affected stars' medical records.
That be it as it may we were not let in, what on account of us not being able to keep our "goddamned mouths shut."
PATIENT #3: JESSICA DEE
How very fortunate then that we smashed someone's car window in the event parking lot and got our hands on one proposed increased set of safety standards.
(1) Mandatory testing every 2 weeks.
(2) Under no circumstance shoot penetration scenes without valid, current tests from the actors.
(3) The banning of injection kits used by male talent to create artificial erections that also results in bleeding.
(4) Any actor/actress involved in recreational drug use involving needles.
(5) Any actor/actress who knowingly falsify test records should be quarantined for a period of time.
(6) Any actor/actress who knowingly works with an STD without clearance should be quarantined for a period of time.
(7) No gay or transsexual crossovers from the male talent pool.
To which we say: "LOTS OF FUCKING LUCK!"
