The men and women who bring you SKULLGAME are well aware that you all think we lie like fucking rugs but here let it be known, beyond any reasonable shadow of a doubt that even when we lie we tell the truth and so it is that we bring you an issue of totally trembling, shrieking and slappingly gay outrage. Over just about every goddamned thing you could possibly imagine.
TATTOO SAYS FUCK YOU! FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
FUCK YOU
TINY TOWN (SkullGame) -- "You t'ink ze joke, she's funny? You ever have to make ze crap in a flowerpot?" said irate midget man HERVE VILLECHAIZE. "Or peez in ze dixie cup...because you were afraid of the toilet and the watery death that awaited you there? This midget or monkey in a tuxedo shit is not ze laugh funny t'ing. I'll see you in hell, Paul Bunyan. Zat's ze garontee."
TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE STILL NOT GAY
HEYYY....NO!!! I'M NOT FUCKING GAY. NOOO...NOPE. NO SIRREEE...NOT GAY AT ALL. HAPPY BUT DEFINITELY NOT FUCKING REALLY GAY. REALLY.
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Holocaust Denier and Actress PENELOPE CRUZ is still reeling from her recent dum-dum-dum-dum-dum dump by Mr. TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE. FlatEarth society member Cruz, however, is optimistic about life without the handsome actor by her side, and insists it's in her nature to focus on future challenges rather than dwell on her failed romances.
...WHICH IS PRECISELY WHY I DUMPED, UH, HER. YEAH. PRECISELY.
"This is a new time for me....branching out beyond the haunts that we shared....in Mykonos. Key West. San Francisco. West Hollywood. The West Village," explained the Creationist Cruz. Currently in Morocco filming upcoming movie "Sahara," while Cruise has moved to London, Cruz explains, "This is a time for maturity mixed with fresh and exciting things. Like being able to fuck and not have to lie on my stomach while being called 'Bob.'"
AGE OF CONSENT FOR GAY SEX RECENTLY LOWERED IN LONDON
YOUNG MEN!!! IF YOU EVER FEEL DOWN!!! I SAID YOUNG MEN PICK YOURSELF OFF THE GROUND!!! AND SUPPORT NON-AGE BIASED BUGGERY!!!
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Led by the Tory Peer Lady Young, the Lords fought tooth and nail not to lower the age of consent for gay men from 18 to 16, having voted it down twice (in July 1998 and April 1999) before the government used the Parliament Acts to just RAM it through in November 2000. In all, the process took nearly three years - and it was only the second time in a decade that the parliament acts had been invoked.
I USED TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!! SEE?!?! SEE?!? I MEAN HOW GAY IS THAT?!?!
"It's just a TOTAL fucking coincidence that I'm here now," said a clearly agitated TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE.
Whatever.
COURTNEY LOVE IRATE: "I'M CLEAN AND SOBER!!!"
LOVE WITH COURT APPOINTED DRUG TESTER
THE PLANETARY SURFACE OF MARS (SkullGame) -- Millionaire murderess COURTNEY LOVE has, in some vain and cynical attempt to reestablish "street cred," slammed recent reports stating that she was wacked out of her fucking gourd on Viks, Reds, CrossTops, K and Fentanyl, and only has one week left to live.
She says, "I read in People magazine -- and this was a friend of mine who wrote this -- that I had a week to live. I'm healthy as a horse. A horse with purple flames. And I'm gonna live to be 140. I'm not on drugs, which everybody knows, that knows me. So now I'm 'crazy.' Now I'm 'addicted' to 'drugs' and I have a week to live."
"Look when a social worker comes to my doorstep for no reason, of course I'm gonna get furious and say, 'Oh yeah, the crack pipes are over by the steak knives,' and then they took it seriously."
IMAGINE THAT....
LOVE BREAST SUCKER VOWING TO MILK THE MOMENT
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Kofi Asare (above) is the talk of the town after his quick sip of rocker Courtney Love's tit turned him into a cause celebre for guys who hang around waiting to get assaulted by wasted rich broads. After appearing in The New York Post and on the Howard Stern Show, Asare, now known as Love's "milkman," wants everyone to know that he's a rapper working on a new CD too. The disc is to be titled either "Milk Money" or "All I Wanted Was Some Chicken Nuggets." Other possible titles include "Now I Got Hep C" and "I Am So Deeply Ashamed of Myself."
Rapper wannabe Asare can be contacted at niggaplease@skullgame.com.
CRYBABY FUCKING LETTERS FROM BIZNATCHES
WHAT BECOMES AN AMERICAN LEGEND MOST? $87 BILLION, TWO TITS, A SMILE, AND ALL THE DEMEROL YOU CAN SLAM
In a past issue of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME we singled out JESSICA LYNCH for a salute befitting an American Hero and skag, and were taken to task by reader ANGELO R. IANNOPOLLO JR. of Rochester, NY, who said
Leave her alone, its funny to joke about something when you have no idea how much pain she went through! Physically and mentally!
To which we respond:
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!!?
