Yo Vinnie,
My husband is nice enough but my relationship with him has turned into me as Mommy and him as the always apologizing Sonny Boy. So what's my complaint? He doesn't lie, cheat or steal. He makes love to me for hours if I want. So what's my problem? What's his problem? What's our problem? Well, I'm tired of a lover and just really want a fucker. Translation: I want a lover and a fucker, what do I do?--B.L. (by email)

WHAT SHE HAS

WHAT SHE NEEDS

Dear Trapped Like a Fucking Rat in a Trap: You want the cake and you want to eat it too? You want everything and everything else? You want your sandal wearing saint of a hubbie to turn into KOBE BRYANT in bed? Look, there's going to come a time when you do something that the rest of us here on Earth call WAKING THE FUCK UP. Wolves don't become sheep, cats don't become dogs, and a pussy stays a pussy. But there's good news: the brutal men you seek won't stick around anyway. So

1) stay with the Hub,
2) fuck men like us when the mood strikes,
3) don't call us,
4) we'll call you and
5) the guilt is YOUR problem.