I AM THE QUEEN OF ALL MEDIA WHORES AND WE WILL PUT HORNETS IN YOUR BRAIN WITH OUR CONSTANT EFFORTS TO TURN THE WORLD INTO ME, ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME AND EVEN MORE FUCKING ME!!!

TOTALLY FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE NEWSFLASH: ANGELINA JOLIE COMFORTABLE WITH NUDITY: "I THINK A WOMAN'S BREASTS ARE A WOMAN'S BREASTS. THEY DON'T FREAK ME OUT OR SHOCK ME.”

SPEAK FOR YOUR GODDAMNED SELF

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Hollywood star ANGELINA JOLIE assuming we haven't already heard enough about her divorce, her spiritual awakening, the general health and fitness of her cooch, her father, how she hates him, her adopting of every fucking adoptable kid in the Western United States that MIA FARROW hasn't already adopted, has busted loose with this gem today: she is happy to appear naked in her movies -- as long as it's essential to the storyline.

"I never did them before because I felt I had to," said the Oscar-winning actress, 28, as she directed the placement of a 60-foot-high statue of herself on her front lawn. "I just think it's a bigger deal to be emotionally naked."

I AM EMOTIONALLY NAKED. AND SOON TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL COCK TO SHARE MY EMOTIONAL EMOTIONS WITH. BUT FIRST LET ME READ YOU A POEM I'VE WRITTEN

Jolie, predictably, bares her breasts again in a new movie "Taking Lives," a gritty thriller in which she stars alongside a couple of fags--Ethan Hawke and Kiefer Sutherland--and which she's preparing to start talking about non-stop until we die.

SKULLGAME BUSINESS ADVISORY COURTESY OF ITALIAN SAL

RICH SLUTS LOVE SAL'S SOUND BUSINESS STRATEGIES!!!

Threatening messages. Followed by tearful apologies, only to be followed by even more belligerent demands for respect. And money. And not neccesarily in that order.

A SKULLGAME EXCLUSIVE: WHY TONYA HARDING BAILED FROM HER RECENTLY SCHEDULED BOUT
Controversy surrounds Tonya Harding's no-show in California

AGGGHHH...TAKE THEM AWAY...TAKE THEM AWAY!!!!!

WALNUT CREEK (SkullGame) -- Tonya Harding's no-show on Saturday's boxing card at The Arena in Oakland won't produce anything more than fodder for stand-up comedians. Rob Lynch, the California Athletic Commission's executive officer, said he is powerless to keep Harding from performing in other states but SKULLGAME natch, had eyes on the scene and discovered that Tanya and the chick she was going to fight, who looked like a fat troll, were weighing in, and the chick told Tanya she was going to kick her ass, and the next thing you know: Tanya and her entourage bailed.

Whatever.

Here are some more naked pictures of her trashy ass.

WHEN PREPARING FOR MY LATEST FELONY I ALWAYS FIND IT PAYS TO JUST STRETCH OUT, RELAX AND HUFF A MUGGLE FIRST

SPEARS ORDERS PHOTOS DOCTORED TO TRIM UNSIGHTLY EGO BLOAT

AN OBVIOUSLY FAKED PHOTO

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Britney Spears begged designers to airbrush photos for her world tour -- because she looked too fucking fat in them. A source tells SKULLGAME, Britney, 22, was devastated by her appearance in the photos, and complained to her promoters, "I look like a blimp, so do something about it. I need to look perfect -- better than perfect."

The Onyx Hotel Tour snaps reportedly featured the singer looking like a fat bitch, bloated and chunky, until she was digitally slimmed down to resemble just a bitch.

AND A REAL ONE WHERE CURIOUSLY THE FAT IS HIGHLY LOCALIZED AND SEEMS TO BE COLLECTING IN THE LEAST OF ALL LIKELY PLACES: HER HEAD

"Her mind has not been in the right place for working out," says personal trainer Bobby Strom. "She's had lots of money to count and between that and her dinners with the devil, well there's just not a lot of time left over for doing much beyond laughing all the way to the bank."