LOOK. WE KNOW POLITICS IS TOTALLY GAY. ESPECIALLY WHEN MEASURED UP AGAINST SAY, A SUCK JOB FROM A 16-YEAR OLD. AND WE'D HAVE BEEN OUT THIS PAST WEEKEND ENJOYING SAID SUCK JOB HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THIS OVEREAGER FAN WHO CAMPED OUTSIDE OF OUR DOOR AND REFUSED TO LEAVE. WE'D HAVE JACKED HIM UP GOOD IF NOT FOR THAT CAN OF BEER IN HIS POCKET. OH YEAH AND THE RIFLE ON HIS KNEES. SOOOOO, WE STAYED IN, BONED UP ON OUR POLITICS AND BY THE TIME THE COPS CAME TO HAUL HIS ASS OFF TO JAIL THE FOLLOWING ISSUE IS WHAT WE HAD. ENJOY THE FRUITS OF OUR GREAT SCHOLARSHIP. WE KNOW IT'S NOT AS LIKE IMPRESSIVE AND UM, POLITICAL, AS COULD BE BUT GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES WE DID THE BEST WE FUCKING COULD. POLITICALLY SPEAKING AND SHIT.

PAMELA ANDERSON SOMETIMES LEE, SOMETIMES NOT TO RUN FOR POLITICAL OFFICE

ONE OF THE, WAIT, NO, TWO OF THE GREATEST POLITICAL MINDS OF OUR GENERATION

TOPANGA CANYON ON A BOAT OR SOME SHIT (SkullGame) -- PAMELA ANDERSON is looking forward to old age because she's quite taken with the idea of being a toothless old crone with nothing but a few million dollars and memories of sucking celebrity sausage to help her wile away the hours.

The former "Baywatch" babe and the totally bankrupt mainstream media who hangs onto her every fart has been inspired about her autumn years by watching Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn in "On Golden Pond," that she rented Friday at Blockbuster and now she can't wait to be aged.

DON'T JUDGE ME BECAUSE I SUCK CELEBRITY SAUSAGE

She says leaving us in a blur of incredulity, "What a relief it will be to finally have nothing to prove and no one to judge you. I can picture myself as an old woman, wrinkled up like a prune with no teeth. My grandkids will be all around me. And plenty of animals that have three legs or an eye missing will be there as well -- it's my rescue-shelter dream. My feelings about growing old have been inspired by the movie 'On Golden Pond.'"

SCHWARZENEGGER TO AVENGE THE TREATY OF VERSAILLES

GAULEITER OF THE GOLDEN STATE PICTURED HERE AT A RALLY IN NUREMBURG

WANNSEE (SkullGame) -- California GOVERNOR ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER has recently reported a marked increase in border incursions made by Oregonians. Several Eureka mushroom festivals have been disrupted by beaded and besandalled Oregonians chanting anti-California slogans. "This aggression will not stand," said der GOVERNOR eyeing a large map of California with big, red giant fucking arrows pointing at Oregon. "We will answer the cry of a bold, new generation of man for whom adversity is a friend and hatred is a bond and we will grind under boot those that would undermine us."

SCHWARZENEGGER'S CHIEF OF STAFF FLANKED BY HER ASSISTANTS

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