YO VINNIE,
There’s this girl who’s always hanging around my apartment, which I share with a good friend. He’s kind of interested in her but, well, she flirts with me non-stop. I’m not so interested but let’s just say that girls aren’t interested in me very often. Should I go for her? Or hope she notices my roommate? Or not let her in the apartment?--Romanced Roomie (by email)

LOVE AT MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME...SO FRESH & CLEAN

Dear Mr. Not So Latent Homosexuals: We woulda put "good" and "friend" in quotes above if it had not been so aggressively apparent that your flouncing man-love interests trump any real interest in having this question answered.

How do we know?

Well start with the fact that we NEVER have this conversation:

ITALIAN SAL: Should I fuck that chick who is always hanging around our place acting like she wants to get fucked?

VINNIE ROSE: You know what I'd really like? A backrub.

In reality that conversation goes like this:

ITALIAN SAL: Should I pound that broad...

VINNIE ROSE: Yes!

ITALIAN SAL: Well, she's always hanging around our place acting like she wants to get drilled like a bad tooth but I mean she's 62 years old and weighs 200 pounds, MINIMUM and...

VINNIE ROSE: Double team!

See. It's that simple, centurion of Rome. That fucking simple.

Fuck...every...one...