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11.25.03
GAY EXPERTS AGREE: THOSE FUCKING BARBI TWINS AS CREEPY AS THAT OLD WHITE BROAD MICHAEL JACKSON

WACKED WAY THE FUCK OUT THERE WHITE BROADS SUE FLYNT TO CEMENT THEIR REP AS WACKED WAY THE FUCK OUT THERE WHITE BROADS

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- PLAYBOY's Porn King HUGH HEFNER's playmates--the Barbi Twins--have sued Porn King Larry Flynt to prevent his use of sexually explicit, incest-riddled photos of the sisters, in a struggle that threatens to tear apart the tiny kinkdom of PORNOCOPIA. Located right next to TOGO.

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NEXT STOP? SNATCHOPOLIS!!!

The lawsuit, filed Monday in Superior People's Court, claims that someone named "Ken" gave Flynt photos taken by Shane Barbi's husband, the faded star of the decade's old TV show WISEGUYS and now perpetually broke actor Ken Wahl, in exchange for large amounts of fucking cash, paid to the mysterious "Ken." The photographs, taken earlier this year, show "intimate sexual acts between the twin sisters," the lawsuit said. The lawsuit then went on to fucking flip out that these broads are so fucking flipped out. "We understand LIKING your sister?? Yes! But shtupping her?!?! NO!!!! Oy."

"They've had some nude photos out before but" said their lawyer, Jeff Le Beau "but this fucking shit is just out there. What kind of family IS this?"

The twins claim the photos will damage their career, which now includes hosting a health talk show, publishing their own health magazine and distributing various health product lines in the province of MY ASS.



THE CLEARLY GAY KID ROCK HAS SITES SET ON TOMMY LEE; PAM PROVIDING THE THINNEST SHREAD OF HETERO DENIABILITY

"Cool," says TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE.


MAN'S COUNTRY (SkullGame) -- Wild man KID ROCK is living up to his hellraising reputation after allegedly launching an attack on a paparazzo outside of a popular West Hollywood massage and eatery called CENTURIONS OF ROME.

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NOW YOU SEE HER

According to reports, Rock and his off again/on again/but mostly "really off again" girlfriend Pamela Anderson were leaving his gig at the nearby Malibu Inn MOTEL 6 on Friday when they spotted a group of photographers mingling nearby.

Running as hard as he could in the general direction of the photographers, an altercation erupted between Rock and one of the men, known only at press time as "EDDIE, you Bitch."

A source who has seen the tape says, "Kid grabs [the photographer] by the neck of his sweater, rips off his worsted knit cap and throws him into oncoming traffic on Pacific Coast Highway.

"Then Kid runs into the street to slap, slap, slap as hard as he could, but the photographer ducks and runs away. He was taken by ambulance to a local hospital, where he was treated and later released."


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NOW YOU DON'T.

Insiders say the footage will be screened on "Entertainment Tonight" on Tuesday, and police in the area have confirmed there is an investigation into the incident in progress but that they "could not actually give a fuck" about whose "cock these fags wanted to suck just as long as they don't do it on my shift."



ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO....

FASHION: COULD IT EVEN BE FUCKING GAY TO CARE?

It would probably behoove me to point to my unblemished record of heterosexuality right about now. Not unblemished because I am some how undesirable to other men but purely by my own choice, the choice to not cup another guy's hairy ass and say to myself: "Alright!"

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MALE MODELS...

Now that I got that out in the open I will start by saying, I tan. I know, I know. It gets worse. Not the kind of tanning you would do while digging a ditch with your shirt off or hanging your arm out the window of your pickup truck. I go to a tanning salon take off my clothes and lay my ass down in one of those fluorescent lined coffins.

What can I say? Iím vain.

It just so happens that itís in fashion to have golden tan skin. If there was somehow a non-gay sounding way to get a tan that doesnít require me to dig a hole out in the sun or carry roofing shingles or some other god forsaken labor intensive thing let me know, I'll be there, so long as it doesnít require me to do anything that will fuck up my hands.

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ITALIAN SAL. SEE?!?! HE'S NOT GAY.

And that leads us to exhibit B (The plot thickens): I get a manicure, so what!

Lots of guys do, and donít try to come back with ďLots of guys suck cock too!Ē because its nothing like that. Women love a guy with nicely manicured fingers. Thatís right, women! Jack off! It happens to be in fashion. I care what is and is not in fashion, Iím a vain guy and I like to look good. Iím also only 5í5 so Iím at a distinct disadvantage from jump. I need every little leg up, so what if it makes me look a little fruity, so what if I wear burgundy tassled shoes with a pair of burgundy sheer socks.

It gets me laid pal! And Iím all man, baby. And so you can see that me shaving my sack is just an extension of that. Like I said, fashionÖ.And masculinity. Itís the same reason I shave my ass cheeks and crack.--ITALIAN SAL


 


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