TYCO: TITS, TOYS, TOGAS AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE; Tyco Jurors Stunned by $2M Birthday Bash Vid
“Let them eat the fucking cake I’ve already eaten,” says Dennis “Caligula” Kozlowski
GIRLS? MY COCK AIN'T GOING TO KNEEL DOWN AND SUCK ITSELF.
NEW YORK (SkullGame)--Jurors at the Tyco trial watched, mouths agape, a softcore version of the much-harder core video of the lavish $2.1-million birthday extravaganza that indicted former CEO Dennis "FIRST CLASS ONLY" Kozlowski threw for his new wife on the Mediterranean island of Sardinia, complete with helmeted centurions, women wearing wreaths and a goddamned runner with a torch.
THERE'S LOTS OF ROOM FOR ADVANCEMENT FOR YOUNG PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO USE THEIR HEADS ON PLANET TYCO, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
"It's going to be a fun-filled week full of fucking fun, fucking, and oh, well, FUN," a clearly inebriated “Emperor” Kozlowski is shown telling the couple's 75 guests at the start of the all-expenses-paid stay at the Cala di Volpe resort where singer Jimmy Buffett was flown in for the occasion for $250,000. "Yeahhh....Sailing on my $13 MILLION YACHT Endeavor. Tennis. Golf. Eating. Fucking. Felching. Sticking. Licking. And oh yeah, laughing while Rome burns. You know, all the things we're best known for. DRINKS FOR ALL MY FRIENDS!!!"
Prosecutors introduced the 20-minute tape, culled from four hours of fuck-filled footage, to show how Kozlowski and his co-defendant, former Tyco chief financial officer Mark “STEAK AND CHAMPAGNE ONLY” Swartz, allegedly used Tyco money for personal whims, geegaws, and a variety of shiny but expensive baubles.
E TU JOSE? KOZLOWSKI PAYING THE GODDAMNED PIPER
Kozlowski and Swartz are on trial for allegedly rootin’ tootin’ lootin' $600 MILLION from Tyco through unsecured loans, unauthorized bonuses, illegal stock sales, and aggressive personal use of company money.
“So?!?!?” Countered a clearly agitated Caligula Kozlowski.
Defense lawyers tried to keep jurors from seeing the semen-soaked tape, arguing it would be prejudicial, but State Supreme Court Justice Michael Obus ruled Monday that it could be shown, albeit without the most salacious scenes, which he’s not quite finished with yet, “or something.”
WOMEN OF ALL AGES GO PUBLIC WITH TOPLESS EQUALITY FIGHT; REACTION IS PREDICTABLY MIXED
MERRITT ISLAND, Florida (SkullGame). -- Ten broads in Brevard County, Fla., including a 74-year-old woman and a 14-year-old girl, filed a federal lawsuit to abolish laws that prohibit women from going topless in places where men are permitted to go shirtless.
The "Top-Free Ten" women said in the suit filed in the U.S. District Court of People With Way Too Much Fucking Time on Their Hands in Orlando that they want the right to go top-free for sunbathing, gardening, swimming, shopping, mowing the lawn, munching the rug, or trimming their bush.
ARE WE A SOCIETY OF LAWLESS HEATHENS? THE LAWS OF THE LAND MUST BE RESPECTED AND UPHELD. NO MATTER HOW MANY HEAVILY UDDERED BROADS COMPLAIN.
The women in a ragged burst of enlightened thinking said that laws preventing them from taking their shirts off in public are similar to Muslim laws requiring women to cover themselves from head-to-toe.
"I don't believe there is any inherent evil in my breasts," Norma Mitchell, a 74-year-old grandmother said. “I don't believe my breasts are harmful, immoral, dangerous, lewd or frightening."
“Yes. Yes they are,” countered fearful Federal Judge IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ, grimacing through fingers tightly laced over his closed and sun-glassed eyeballs.
FRIGHTENED FEDERAL JUDGE IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ
While Jan Frandsen, a 46-year-old wife and mother, said the law as it stands is discriminatory because "basically, this type of law labels women as being genetically inferior," she hopes for the day when women can remove their blouses “when and where men can remove their tops.
"I'm just hoping for equality," Jamie Hooper, 74, said.
ARE WE A SOCIETY OF HEARTLESS HEATHENS? THE LAWS OF THE LAND MUST BE FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO ACCOMMODATE OUR GREAT AND VARIED INTERESTS. NO MATTER HOW MANY HEAVILY UDDERED BROADS COMPLAIN.
“We’re hoping for equality too,” said onlooker Michael Rosenthal. “Like more equality for the teenagers of Brevard County and like a little less equality for the distended and crumbling wrecks of elderly women who seem to have nothing better to do than foist their sad and graying flesh on the rest of us who, at last check, had done absolutely nothing to deserve this horrible reminder of our impending collective mortality.”
MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME WELCOMES THE VACATIONING AND PERIPATETIC ITALIAN SAL BACK TO THE FUCKING FOLD
Where he said he went:
FLORIDA. Sun. Fun. And hot bitches on the beaches.
A LOVELY TROPICAL TIME AT CLUB MACK
Where he really went:
I AM GUILTY OF NOTHING BUT LOVING, NOT POORLY, BUT UNWISELY. AND IN THE AISLES AT HOME DEPOT.
MAN ALLEGEDLY SHOWS NUDE PHOTOS OF SELF IN HOME DEPOT
HOUSTON (SkullGame)--A man is under investigation after he allegedly showed nude photos of himself to two people at Home Depot.
Investigators say the 33-year-old man first flashed a photo of himself to a woman in the hardware aisle of the Home Depot in Galveston County. Then he flashed a photo to a female clerk as he was checking out. Possibly in lieu of real cash.
Police say he left a paper trail and when they followed it to his hotel, he turned over eleven nude photos of himself.
"There were some pictures of a fully nude person which was identified as the suspect," said Chief Paul Sheely of the Clear Lake Shores Police Department. "And then there were several pictures of his, uh, private parts. You know his gentles. I mean his gentiles. I mean his Frank and Beans."
Police have charged the man with two misdemeanors. Investigators are now checking with other departments to see if the man is a repeat exhibitionist.
