Mack Avenue Skullgame
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10.27.03
SKULLGAME'S TREATS FOR TRICKS: NAKED BITCHES, CRYSTAL METH AND HAUPTSBAUMFUHRER HEIDI KLUM

ECSTACY IS LIKE THE BEST FUCKING DRUG EVER. EVER!

N.Y. artist fucking skullgames 450 broads into stripping for art project; Men of SKULLGAME kick themselves for not having thought of it first.

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- The women crossed their arms against the nipple-erecting chill in the main concourse of Grand Central Terminal early Sunday as artist SPENCER TUNICK spewed the all time greatest fucking line of shit what we at SKULLGAME have ever heard to get them to pose for his latest human art installation. Oh yeah, all 450 of them were nude.

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"MAN, OH, MAN. ART IS FUCKING GREAT, AIN'T IT?"

Tunick, an artist whose usual medium is bullshit, got the women, all volunteers, to show up around 3 a.m. Sunday after a night of heavy clubbing, strip off their clothes and compose their bodies into sculptural shapes and formations meant to imitate streets, buildings, cityscapes, and a host of other shit that required them to do a lot of bending over and whatnot. The building had been closed to the public during the shoot because Tunick, obviously no moron, knew that his chances of scoring stayed astronomically high with nothing but fag photo assistants on hand.

"I wanted to bring the most beautiful people into the most beautiful building," he said Sunday inside the Grand Central concourse, while smiling a highly satisfied little smile the portent of which was only known to him.

"I love his art and I think he's creating an amazing thing -- something different, something fresh," said Anna Springer, 30, a real estate executive who, it is now officially noted, will believe anything.

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CORNHOLIO SAGELY NOTES, "WHITE FOLKS'LL DO JUST ABOUT ANY OL' FUCKING THING, WON'T THEY?"

Tunick, a New York-based artist, has gained an international reputation for his stunningly effective lines of shit, like shit the average man couldn't say with a straight face, as well as his arrangements of nude art installations involving hundreds of people in cities and bedrooms, well yeah, mostly bedrooms, around the world.

"In the past, the New York administration considered the body to be a crime, or pornographic," Tunick said Sunday. "I hope this administration considers the vulnerability of the body. As well as my pressing artistic need to fuck as many of these freaks as possible before the grant money runs out."

The current installation is part of the artist's "Naked World," in which he has been traveling the world, hoping to gather more than 35,000 people to pose. After which he will have a sandwich, a beer and a very, very long nap.


ITALIAN SAL presents THE MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME DOER'S GUIDE

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EDDIE COATES: THE MAN. THE MYTH. THE MARICON.

DOER: Eddie Coates, videographer, hair band enthusiast, douche bag around town

HOME: Scottsdale, AZ

HOBBIES: Meth, producing bad porn and playing air guitar to White Snake. And Meth.

LAST PROJECT STARTED: Taking apart TV set to fix speakers. Taking apart bed to adjust height. Removing shower curtain to iron. Taking apart iron to repair ironing surface (turns out ironing the shower curtain wasn't such a good idea after all). Dug a 30-foot trench in backyard because he heard a noise coming from septic tank (Eddie does not have a septic tank).

LAST PROJECT COMPLETED: Eddie has yet to finish any of his Meth-induced projects and he mainly just goes from broken, dismantled item to broken, dismantled item, biting on his inner cheek, gritting his teeth and itching his face to the soundtrack of "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi.

DOER'S QUOTE: "I am going to find out what that noise is. I think it may be those power lines because they are producing dangerous microwave energy, and stuff." (Eddie stared at power lines outside of his Rented Trailer in Scottsdale, AZ, while simultaneosly itching his ball sack and ass crack).


THE NAKED HEIDI KLUM PLAYS HER LAST FEW MINUTES OF USABLE FAME INTO SAGE CAREER MOVE: FUCKING OFF.

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ENGLISH TRANSLATION: WITH A FIGURE LIKE THAT, YOU DON'T NEED TO NOT ANNEX POLAND

Naked and naughty Nazi HEIDI KLUM, parlaying her tatas and her teutonic heritage, into an absolutely amazing 17-minute career span, has recently embarked on a new business venture: fucking off.

"Well the test markets seemed to support the contention that with my clothes on people couldn't give a good goddamned about me," said the brown-shirted bathing beauty. "So taking appropriate action I am forthwith just choosing to give the people what they want: me to fuck off."

Beyond that Klum's plans involve invading Poland, annexing Austria and directing.

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SPRINGTIME FOR HEIDI IN GERMANY!!!


 


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