PIGFUCKER RON JEREMY LINES UP TO FUCK ANOTHER PIG: RELIGIOUS ZEALOT AND SUCK SLAG TAMMY FAYE VOWS TO RESIST "WITH ALL OF MY AMPHETAMINED MIGHT!"
"IF JESUS BE RIGHT UP BEHIND ME, WHO ELSE MIGHT BE AGAINST ME? RON?" sobbed the Southern Slattern with eyes like super novas, while RON MAKES HIS MOVE
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame)--It was announced this week that Hirsute Humper and Humping Hall of Famer RON JEREMY has drawn the short straw and will room with the spackle-faced televangelist TAMMY FAYE on WB’s reality show Surreal Life 2.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE....LONELY, THAT'S ALL.
WELL.....MAYBE A LITTLE...
Joined by four other roommates, the ersthwhile washed up "stars" on this veritable Ship of the Damned are in no particular goddamned order--real estate broker Vanilla Ice, new Mexican puppeteer Erik Estrada, Traci "Two Tits" Bingham, and Real World Las Vegas cast member Trishelle Who?--vying for the much-desired move from “formerly famous” to once again “currently famous.” They will also have an additional celebrity guest, in a desperate search for a "career" move in each week.
TRACI, GOD, YOU'RE FASCINATING, YOU KNOW THAT? BOTH OF YOU.
In keeping with the MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME tradition of getting the real spurious story first we managed to track down fight fan and realtor, the former Rob Van Winkle aka VANILLA ICE first.
WELL ONCE WE GET THE URINE SMELL OUT OF THIS PLACE IT'LL BE A PALACE
SKULLGAME: So, uh, you fucked MADONNA, eh?
ROB VAN WINKLE: Yo, yo, yo, man!!! That shit is played out. Don't be asking me any of that old shit. What about my new fucking show. Goddamned it.
SG: So, uh, when the fuck did you die and get reborn a Negro? Oh yeah, yeah, I remember: right before you fucked FREDDIE MERCURY's corpse for your one "hit."
ROB VAN WINKLE: You know it's assholes like you that make me not want to DO press and....
SG: Hey, hey, hey....listen. We got off on the wrong foot. Listen. I apologize. I'm sorry. I really respect your music, your accomplishments and so let's talk about your new show.
ROB VAN WINKLE: (silence) Well. Cool. OK. Fine. So what do you want to know?
SG: Well as much as I respect how you upended the public's perceptions of what could be done with the popular musical art form, rap, what I really want to know is how a fuckhead like you managed to bang MADONNA?
ROB VAN WINKLE: THAT'S it!!!
Phone line goes dead.
SUCK, SUCK, SUCK YOUR WAY TO HEALTH
Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in broads
(SkullGame) -- Women who perform the act of fellatio, that is suck a good fucking cock, on a regular basis, one to two times a week, or a day even, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study, sponsored by the MOE GREEN FOUNDATION FOR FUCKING MOE GREEN, found.
Doctors, amazingly, had never suspected a link between the act of fellatio, or slobbering and bobbing on the knobbin, and breast cancer, but new research being performed at the MOE GREEN FOUNDATION FOR FUCKING MOE GREEN is, after running through a multimillion dollar endowment, starting to suggest that there could be an, uh, important link between the two.
CALLING DR. HOWARD, DR. FINE, DR. HOWARD!!!
"We found in a double, double blind study," offered DR. MORRIS GREEN, "that after having my shlong sucked no fewer than 15 times before noon that I was ready for a sandwich and a nap. Definitely."
Study results also seemed to suggest that of over 15,000 women suspected of being savage suck sluts, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, or a day even, had lower rates of breast cancer than those fucking bitches who had not. There was, unfortunately, no increased risk, or suck penalty, however, for those who did not regularly perform.
"I think it removes the last shade of fucking doubt that fellatio, or throat fucking, is actually a healthy act," said Dr. B.J. Sooner of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who was totally fucking not involved in the research and pissed about that one goddamned thing. "I am surprised by these findings and saddened to not have participated, but am also excited that MOE, I mean "the researchers" may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the rates of breast cancer in broads."
A nation of men applaud their efforts.
The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research.
ALL FUCKING THINGS CONSIDERED WITH ITALIAN SAL
“You wanna piece of me?” Saudi Prince Saud al Faisal Adi Abu Mekaleka Hi Meka Hiney Ho queries SKULLGAME's own ITALIAN SAL
In a recent press conference that still has attendees stunned and shocked, Saudi Prince Saud al Faisal asked MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME foreign correspondent ITALIAN SAL “You wanna piece of me?”, just seconds before SAL stormed the podium pulling the robe over the head of the Saudi heir apparent and shoving two microphones and a half empty bottle of water up his ample bottom.
ALL MUSLIMS ARE NOT TERRORISTS. ALL TERRORISTS, HOWEVER, DO SEEM TO BE TERRORISTS. AH WELL. WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?
Onlookers were stunned and shocked and even appalled at the manhandling and one was quoted as saying in a loud verbal plea for SAL to stop: “This is why I am ashamed to be an American!” To which a clearly agitated SAL responded “Keep it up pal, I got plenty of microphones up here on the this podium!”
Witnesses were amazed at how quickly SAL was able to cover the scant distance between the press bullpen and the stage and when later asked about the lightning blitzkrieg-like speed of his attack, a struggling SAL was heard to remark, “you would be surprised how fast you could move when you don’t give a fuck.” A remark that clearly outlined his obvious disdain for the rotund regent.
Prince Faisal was in Pakistan at the time of the attack attending a press conference on whether or not Muslim countries should provide troops for the occupation of Iraq. A shirtless, barefoot ITALIAN SAL was handcuffed and dragged from the press conference in Islamabad Pakistan and was quoted as saying. “ I’m just trying to spread the love.” A cryptic statement that shook some of the remaining reporters to their very core.
The Press Conference has been rescheduled.
