"No man fucks a 6'2", 200 pound woman withOUT knowing what I really am," says our Trick or Tranny, JADE, calling bullshit on the common claim of "I had NO idea."
The scenario is a familiar one. Or familiar to men, restaurant raconteurs, and touts who trade in urban lore or shaggy dog tales of sexual confusion and deceit of the basest sort. Familiar to those who saw the cinema shocker "The Crying Game."
IF WE LIVED IN LA, WE'D ONLY HAVE CRIPPLING METH HABITS TO DEAL WITH. INSTEAD WE HAVE THE WHOLE COCK AND BALLS BOOBY TRAP. DAMN.
A "friend" ends up having a fantastic turn of luck and picks up a BEAUTIFUL woman who then proceeds to either give him the best blowjob ever OR because she's on her period, begs him to fuck her in the ass. And he does. And in the warming post-coital afterglow, his recent conquest reaches for the friends' cock and the friend reaches down and shockingly grabs her cock?!?!
Yeah.
Shocking.
Like the sun rise is shocking. We corralled JADE outside of REGAL Show World (wherein it was revealed that WE were KINGS) and this is what "she" had to say.
Jade: Hi (painfully bad falsetto)
SkullGame: How are you, sir?
Jade: Tired. Like your outfit.
SG: A fucking fashion consultant. What a total surprise coming from someone in an electric blue sequined Tina Turner fucking knock off.
J: Ohhh...and you say you ain't gay?
SG: OK, ok. I'm sorry. I'm just a little testy what with abusing all the steroids and shit. But listen I'm a member of the press. So do an interview with me. Here's my tape recorder and my first question. You're fucking as tall as me, probably weigh not much less than I do, and from any and all indications you are every ounce a MAN yet you're pimping this whole chick thing: is this working? I mean on ANYone who isn't blind?
J: I'm not trying to fool anybody. That's what you little straight boys want to think because you think you're so special. I'm just doing my thing and a large part of my thing is fucking men who like to think they're fucking women but are really fucking men...I mean...
SG: Whoa, whoa...wait. You saying that the make up, the outfit the...
J: You didn't think I was a woman and you seem to be of fairly average intelligence. I mean what makes you think they do?
SG: Well all the outrage. The reported beatings. The scandals. And well, the outrage.
J: Bullshit. Yes. Sometimes you really DO meet someone who is sooooo fucking stupid that they have no idea and they sometimes act bad when they find out, but that's like 1 out of 10 times, honey. Those 9 other times? I don't care what they say....
SG: Hmmm. OK. Were any of them named HABIB, THE ARGENTINE, ITALIAN SAL, or CORNHOLIO? Just an innocent question, baby. Just an innocent question.
J: I gotta go.....
And so she did, leaving us with a SkullGame Caveat Emptor: check your fucking vegetables FIRST before dining. We mean if you care at all.
DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAREER?
DEMI OUT TO DESTROY ANOTHER LIFE; AND ANY OL' LIFE WILL DO
I WILL DESTROY YOUR CAREER!!!!
Sub-par actor ASHTON KEISTER and aging talent scourge DEMI MOORE are set to wed in a lavish and seemingly foolish $1 million Las Vegas ceremony, according to The Globe. Ashton, stumbling to explain his 100-foot fucking leap into total fucking stupidity, has reportedly told pals, "I got down on one knee, you know, like I did in my hit movie 'DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?' and proposed to Demi and she said, having had a dry spell of careers to destroy, 'Yes.' We were both so happy, we had tears in our eyes." He concluded but not before adding, "But mine were for the career I once had."
BJORK'S BATHROOM THREESOME
LONDON (SkullGame)--BJORK had an embarrassing toilet experience in a club this past Wednesday when bouncers tried to eject her from a cubicle where she was safely ensonced with two men, a big, ol' fat bindle of some sort of baby powder, and several cocks.
SOMEHOW IT ALL BECOMES CLEAR: "WOO HOO!!! I AM SNOGBOGGIN!!!"
The eccentric Icelandic star had been partying at the Grill Room at Elysium after performing at the Fashion Rocks event earlier in the night, when she visited the ladies' loos.
A source continues, "The gents' is on the floor above so a lot of male guests were using the women's loo. Security were sent in to get rid of the blokes.
"They banged on one of the cubicle doors and asked the occupants to get out before caving the door in to discover Bjork with two men. The bouncers were really embarrassed as she was the guest of honour at the party. They had to politely ask the three of them to leave the ladies' toilet."
When called for comment Bjork said "flowers, flowers. Ja elskadag!!!"
