RISING FROM THE HOWARD STERN HEAD IN THE TOILET STUNT, CAREY SUCKS HER WAY TO SACTO
Pauly Shore wonders aloud, “Can I get NEXT?"
Gubernatorial candidate MARY CAREY's campaign, which has already weathered stunts ranging from having her head flushed in a toilet on the HOWARD STERN SHOW
SEE THE TOILET. BETHE TOILET.
to public appearances with midget Negro Gary Coleman,
WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT WILLIS?!?!
has recently hit a new snag. After an appearance on professional child, functional illiterate, and DREW BARRYMORE's ex-butler, TOM GREEN's show, Carey decided to show her erstwhile host some appreciation for giving her platform the forum it so richly deserved by fellating Green in the Green Room.
FOR THOSE ABOUT TO SUCK, WE SALUTE YOU!
Allegedly.
Despite the mind-roiling ramifications of having the possible Governor of California sucking a Canadian’s cock, we at MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME have to question whether or not this is not the single most genius campaign tactic ever:
Kiss a few babies, shake a few hands, suck a few cocks.
A nice turn around for an electorate whose asses are still aching from The Fucking in Florida.
MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME-NIMH STUDY CONCLUDES: IT’S HARD TO GET LAID, EVEN FOR US
A recently released multi-year, multimillion dollar study financed by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) in association with SKULLGAME uncovers what, despite conventional thinking, seems to be more true than not nearing the end of 2003:
laying pipe is not that easy.
In a study group of over 10,000 heterosexual volunteers, the rates of successful coupling on any given weekend when combined with the salutatory effects of alcohol and varied pharmaceutical consumption seems aggressively sub par, even for subjects with so-called “game.”
“Maybe we’re...well all 10,000 test subjects, are going through a dry spell,” said researcher Steve Cohen. “Yup. All of us at once. Going through a dry spell," he added coughing drily. "All indicators, however, point to extraordinarily high levels of ‘bitches,’ as possibly skewing our results.”
In a parallel study, a control group offered a variety of inducements to total strangers ranging from cocaine, cash, rides to the bus station and trinkets, with consistently mixed to poor results.
“Maybe it’s this recent wave of LESBIANISM,” opined SKULLGAME’S VINNIE ROSE, “but getting our schlongs into some slappy these days has been tough, tough, tough.”
So toward that end and in the name of independent study for which we are seeking another multimillion dollar grant, MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME offers the following analytical primer preliminarily entitled
BROADS WE WANT TO BONE AND THEIR SCIENTIFIC RESISTANCE TO SAID BONING AS A RESULT OF THEIR SUSPECTED LESBIANISM: A SOCIOLOGICAL STUDY
“TARA”: Don’t let the goth looks fool you. TARA is down with the SKULLGAME deal and even volunteered to be our dildo tester. Even when she found out that she’d be comparing the firmness, fit and fitness of said dildos against our cocks. Or perhaps she just said that to get out of the room. In any case she hasn’t called us back and needless to say we need her to because we have NOT boned her yet. And we want to.
"MADISON": We interviewed her and as is par for the course for any of our interviews, when we got to the obligatory NOW WE FUCK YOU PHASE, she expressed a desire to flee. Either that or a large cash donation. At MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME, however, our corporate philosophy is one of giving back to the community (cock) in SERVICE to the community (cock).
“BEAUTY”: She came by CASA SKULL and quickly decided after removing all of her clothes that like Yoda, fuck us she not rather. She called us “devil boys” and fled. We suspect religious fanaticism.
“HILDA” AND “GRETEL”: “We want to fuck you.” “Hahahah.” “No. Seriously.” “Maybe later.” “What? You on your period?” “Listen we have to go.”
Lesbians.
As soon as the check clears we will expand the study to include hookers, homeless women with nothing to lose, and pre-op trannies who think they’re really fucking fooling somebody.
MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME AWARDS
This week’s award for WORST FUCKING WEBSITE EDITING/WRITING goes to
PUREXXXPORNSEX.COM
For their amazing porn sales pitch:
"You are in one of the most stimulate places in the web. You can see a lot of BRUNETTES beaches womans like this. And when you saw this exciting photos your dick´ll stay hot and hard. Don´t let to visit this site. Enter here now and enjoy one of the best moments in your life!!!
A BRUNETTES BEACHES WOMAN COCKS LIKE LICK
Fucking unbelievable. Unbelieveable. Unbelievable that EDDIE COATES has nothing to do with this.
