YO VINNIE!

Is there any documentation to support all these rumored accidents of people "falling" on vacuum nozzles, "sitting" on their cell phones, etc? Please dispel the urban myth.—Riding the Remington, St. Cloud, Minnesota

Remington Steele: What the hell was it that Freud used to say? There ain’t no such thing as a friggin’ accident, my friend. A phone up the Jackson, a sausage in the nozzle, a man fucking a piñata while making out with another one? These are NO urban myths. In fact I could quite easily produce a single individual who had perpetrated all THREE of the above acts not at all by accident for your viewing pleasure but what would it prove? Not much outside of the fact that YOU are trying to figure out how many of your personally depraved desires can be plausibly covered by a widely understood MYTHOS if you run into trouble, say, with that weed weasel. Forget it. We ALL know that the myth is that these things are MYTHS. Now if I catch you hanging around my tool shed again I’ll fucking throw youse a beating you’ll never forget.