BUT first a quick word from our sponsor--HOOKERS CONFUSED ON THE CONCEPT--where all of one's ho's can learn to be reading. Fast. And shit.
UNTIL WE FIND THE SLAG IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT? I GUESS, US....
HEATH LEDGER'S LIKELY SUICIDE CAUSED, MORE THAN LIKELY, BY HAVING "KISSING ANOTHER DUDE" BE PART OF HIS JOB DESCRIPTION.
"HEATH? HEATH? IS IT TRUE THAT TO MOVE BEYOND THE TREMBLING SAUSAGE-BASED NIGHTMARES ESPECIALLY AS THEY CONNECT TO ANOTHER MAN'S LIPS ONTO YOUR OWN THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN TO CONSORTING WITH "WOMEN" LIKE MICHELE WILLIAMS WHO "CLAIMS" TO BE A "SUPERMODEL" BUT YET WHOM WE HAVE NEVER SEEN WORK, GIVING SPECIAL GANG HAND SIGNALS & WHEN ALL OF THOSE THINGS FAIL, KILLING YOURSELF?!? HUNH?!? SORRY?!? HUNH?!?"
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- HEATH LEDGER is dead? Who's that? He's Australian? And he's not gay? But he spent half the Chink's movie kissing another man? And he's dead? Heath Ledger? Who's that?
THIS Oscar night coverage is being brought to you by THE PURSES OF KRISTINA & EMMA, which we plundered on promise of show viewage on our expansive flat screen TV only to deliver sausage and robbery instead.
"SURROUND SOUND TOO?" OH, FUCK YEAHHHH, BABY....WE GOT ALLA THAT. BALL PARK FRANKS TOO!!!
HAS THERE EVER BEEN AN EVENT MORE GAY? SKULLGAME SAYS: YES. POSSIBLY FIGURE SKATING. OR A CREED CONCERT. BUT THIS IS CLOSE. VERY, VERY, VERY... CLOSE...
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Professional liar and slow talker PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN and multimillionaire REESE WITHERSPOON were awarded best actor and actress honors Sunday at the Academy Awards, for more closely mimicking real people than the other drama club thespians in attendance who were mimicking fake people. Hoffman won for his portrayal of Truman Capote in Capote, while Witherspoon won her Oscar for playing June Carter Cash in the Johnny Cash biography, Walk the Line.
In related gay news events hunk HEATH LEDGER, passed over for BEST ACTOR, stormed off of the dais and out of the Hollywood auditorium whilst waving his hands and spitting "SO ALL THE DUDE KISSING WAS FOR NOTHING?!!? NOTHING!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST," [spit, spit], "FUCK. JESUS. CAN I GET A DRINK? THANKS. IT'S GOING TO TAKE A FEW MORE OF THESE TO WASH ALLA THAT GAYNESS OUTTA MY MOUTH. FUCK. THANKS FOR NOTHING FAGTOWN!!!"
HEATH LEDGER, PRE-EXPLOSION, SPREADING GAYNESS WHEREVER HE GOES...
Earlier, GEORGE CLOONEY won best supporting actor at the 78th Academy Awards for his performance as a CIA man who starts unraveling the truth in the political thriller Syriana. Clooney, who also was nominated for best director and best original screenplay for Good Night, and Good Luck, acknowledged critics who accuse the film industry of being out of touch with the American mainstream -- but he said, "It's probably a good thing."
"We're the ones who were talking about men kissing men when it was just being whispered, and we talked about man-on-man backrubs when it wasn't really popular ... I'm proud to be a part of this academy of multimillionaires and sodomites, proud to be a part of this community of the extremely wealthy and proud to be out of touch with non-sausage-based forms of communication," he said.
This year's ceremony though threatened to be one of the most politically charged in recent memory, with the themes of the nominated pictures and host JON STEWART, who made his name mocking politics on Comedy Central's late-night The Daily Show, pointing out the absurdities of both parties through election campaigns, scandal and simple Washington inefficiency.
DIRECTOR ANG LEE & HIS "WIFE" LOOKING AS COMFORTABLY HETEROSEXUAL AS RIP TAYLOR.
Without a blockbuster rooting interest, though, there are questions as to whether this year's awards might be among the least watched ever. But Stewart, who was brought in as much for his popularity among younger viewers as his comedic expertise, had a cheeky response to that. "It's going to be the most controversial Oscars ever," he told SkullGame. "I would not be surprised if the whole country tunes in to get their per annum infusion of filmic depictions of full-blown anal love."
