YO VINNIE,
At first my boyfriend starts admitting to male-on-male sexual fantasies. Then we have a few threesomes with women. Then he suggests a threesome with a guy because it's my turn. But when I see the ad he is writing that he should be "bi-curious." And so he is and he and the guy suck each other off and I think it's hot. But the next few I notice it is less me and more and more him and the guy until finally this past weekend he got himself fucked in the ass and the guy came on his face. I am shocked, creeped out and disgusted. And to top it off I am now six months pregnant. And have no idea what the fuck to do? -- Stephanie Red (by email/text/and crying phone calls to ITALIAN SAL)

MIGHT WE SUGGEST A LITTLE LIGHT READING?

Dear MISS FORTUNE: Is it too late for us to say WE TOLD YOU SO. If you all remember this story was covered in a past SkullGame. At the time we believed our well-placed and timed ridicule would prevent this train wreck of total homo proportions from happening. We hoped for the best, expected the worst and never imagined we'd be there, when the worst happened and it did: man hammering on the backdoor with a facial surprise ending. These things just write themfuckingselves.

When reached for commentary a shocked ITALIAN SAL said "He got fucked in the ass while she watched!!! I cannot wrap my head around that. It's like seeing an alien or something. Your brain cannot imagine it. He had a DICK. In his ASS. WHILE she WATCHED. Can you fathom the consequences of this one action? Via dicks in asses? From 'cutreous' to manhammer in the poop pipe in two months!!! What a love story!!!"

While Sal subsequently and sensitively asked his ex if she wanted to come by to forget her troubles by taking a pipe up HER pooper hole, our advice to this whole sordid little drama will unfold thusly: because you were set up ANYTHING you do from here on out is justifiable. I mean he saw you coming and you'll have a lot better time adjusting to all of this if you remember that this was a Kansas City switch from the word GO. The gingerly expressed "curiosity" in men. The semi-directed invitations to bi-men. And then ASS FUCKING. You were just there to soften the blow, so to speak, baby. The enormity of it weighing too heavy on his pre-homo head.

So what do you do now? Outside of letting Sal fuck your ass?

Get a subscription to THE ADVOCATE, or BLUE BOY, and hope for the homo-best.