YO VINNIE,
Is there anyway to teach a cock to dial telephone numbers? I'm a decent-looking face with all five senses who likes feeling those warm loads spreading across her cheeks and chin. But can the nut I love be taught to channel his appreciation into a finger capable of pushing the number buttons on phones. At more frequent points between load-bearing episodes and ask my face hows it's doing? 5 minutes of conversation with my lips and ears or is phone dialing channeling reserved for occasions leading to immediate load experiencing? Is lack of phonedialing channeling a sign I need to seek out alternative cocks? Help. -- Irsa Knead [please don't print my name] (by email)
"YEAH, WELL FUCK YOU! MY FACE IS GOING TO FIND IT'S WAY TO 1000 LOADS, NONE OF THEM YOURS...THAT'LL SHOW YOU!!!" UH. NOTHING WE AIN'T ALREADY KNOWN, BABY.
Dear ANA GRAM: Your line of questioning is just....so wrong....from so many vantage points I don' nearly know where the fuck to start but how about the beginning with
UNO: The phone is a 2-way communication device, yes? And since it is better to light a candle than curse the goddamned dark if you're feeling like you wanna chat with the cock? Well, go right ahead. The cock's got better ways of telling you NO if it's not interested
DEUCE: Your bleating request for more phone time between load deliveries discounts the beauty and communicative power of all of our other modes of communicating: text, twitter, IM, paging, email, those fucking annoying walkie-talkie phones fondly used almost solely by Negroes and Samoans.
And TRICELY: the ending kicker: the subtle threat of alternative cocks means that you believe that all cocks are created equal [good luck with all of that] and that IF YOU HAVE TO, why you can just go out and get a cock JUST as good, "but please, oh, please, don't make me do it...a.k.a save me from myself."
Feh.
There are a few things we've learned by owning a cock for four fucking decades and that's that the same things that make that cock attractive to you [ambitious, "bad," busy, belong to someone else] are the same things that once you get it, will enrage you. Also, you can't stop a ho from being a ho. So you want alternative cock? Why make this the one cock's responsibility? Do it or not, just don't make it causally connected to the other loads.
Moreover, like Jesus says, look in your own eye before you throw the camel at the whore, or whatever he said: Have you been a difficult pain in the ass? Has every act of sexual congress between youse and whoever devolved into a pas de deux of difficult negotiation? Have you withheld the ass? Do you, in your efforts to appear mysterious/unavailable/in control, appear standoffish making the busy cock on the go think "I got better things to do than to cater to this kind of action?"
SUCCESS!
All good questions you need to ask yourself, three times, preferably, before the cock crows.
