JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORTS ON FOXY BROWN BATTLING BITCHES, BECKONING BONERS IN SKULLGAME’S BACK FOR THE GODDAMNED BLACKBERRY ATTACK ESPECIAL EXPOSE
Brown, and both her titties, poised to smack you around in Hardee’s, in court, in front of your family at a variety of backyard shindigs, in the line at the Unemployment Office, at church – fuck – just about anywhere you make her slap you at.
NEW YORK (SkullGame) – Clearly incorrigible in her blackness, rapper Foxy Brown finished her morning stipend of grape flavored beverages and emerged from jail Tuesday morning to plead innocent in a Brooklyn courtroom to recently filed charges of assault and wearing fake jewelry in a manner that led like negroes to erroneously believe that they, too, could one day be gainfully employed.
Brown, 29, whose real name we can only presume to be a haphazard arrangement of vowels and consonants meant to sound African - like LaQueeka or some shit – is accused of assaulting a New York City woman with a BlackBerry and repeatedly reciting “oh hell fucking no. Bitch want to tell me turn my motherfuckin’ music down? Best turn your own music down” for what witnesses close to the defendant tell SkullGame reporters was “hours and hours after the fact.”
“She was tireless,” one witness – who wishes to remain anonymous – told SkullGame late Tuesday afternoon. “She just wouldn’t stop talking about it. And she hit my kids. At K-Mart. In the parking lot. In broad daylight. Like that shit is legal.”
Arlene Raymond – Brown’s long-time neighbor – reported the alleged assault to police officers the evening of July 30th 2007, claiming that the rapper bruised her eye and chipped her tooth with the wireless communications device after Raymond complained about the loud music emanating from Brown’s car, and the fact that said car was only worth $500 though the rims had a cumulative suggested retail price five times as much.
Brown is currently in jail for a parole violation after being found guilty in 2006 of assaulting two nail salon stylists over a $20 manicure and a $5 set of Lee Press-On nails outfitted with dragon graphics and currently only available at Big Lots establishments and other havens for unfit teenage mothers.
If convicted of the second set of felony assault charges, prosecutors say that Brown could face up to seven years in prison.
Aaaand from earlier this week...
REASON # fucking 38 why SkullGame is much more than seriously considering a move to JAPAN.
THE WILLINGNESS OF THE LOCAL FEMALE POPULATION TO GO ALONG WITH JUST ABOUT FUCKING ANYTHING IF THEY'RE TOLD IT'S IN THE NAME OF "ART."
TOM SIZEMORE GETS SENTENCED TO COMMUNITY SERVICE. AGAIN. FOR A FELONY. AGAIN. THEN GETS RELEASED. AGAIN. PROMISES TO SERVE IT OUT DIRECTING, STARRING, WRITING, & GETTING HIGH IN FUCK FLICK CALLED TOM'S PROBATIONARY FUCK FLICK FOR COURT. AND SHIT. SWEARS OFFA DRUGS FOR GOOD. DRUGS NOT SO SURE.
TO BE FILED UNDER "ONLY IN A WHITE MAN'S AMERICA."
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Actor and multiple felon TOM SIZEMORE has vowed he'll never take drugs again. Never "ever ever ever ever, cross his heart and hope to die in the arms of a Filipina hooker." Sizemore is currently serving time in Kern County, Calif., for violating his probation in relation to a 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 and 2004 methamphetamine conviction.
In a jailhouse interview with The Bakersfield Californian newspaper, Sizemore says, "I'm not trading my whole goddamned life for some powder. If it's that yellow Riverside crank. Now THAT I can do without. I mean God's trying to tell me he doesn't want me using inferior drugs because every time I use them I get caught using inferior drugs."
Sizemore was initially sentenced to serve 16 months in jail, but he is now due for release next month after entering a plea agreement last week and serving exactly 30 minutes of hard jail time. At Wednesday's hearing, the 45-year-old was sentenced to treatment in a drug therapy program.
And the actor believes he has got off lightly.
He adds, "I got another chance. Some people might think I don't deserve one, but I'm glad the judge thought so and I mean to make the most of it.
And I DO mean MOST."
AGING SUPERMODEL SLUT CINDY CRAWFORD RAGES AT BEING RECOGNIZED AS AGING SUPERMODEL SLUT CINDY CRAWFORD.
"DON'T I LOOK SEEEXXXYY?" "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?!"
DALLAS/CUNTONIA (SkullGame) -- Aging supermodel slut and faggle haggle CINDY CRAWFORD snapped at a fan during a signing session in Dallas, Texas, recently, when he asked her to autograph a copy of Playboy magazine, in which she displayed shaved beave. The fan took his copy of the 1998 Playboy, which featured nude shots of Crawford and asked the model to sign away, "right thar on the snatch."
But Crawford was far from amused, according to no lesser journal of note than the National Enquirer, and she stopped the session at Bachendorf's jewelry store there and then.
A fellow fan says, "Cindy was furious. Furious that her naked shaved snatch of 10 years ago showed how wizened her present biscuit is by comparison."
Sources tell the publication that Crawford was told she'd only be signing promotional pictures of her wearing an Omega watch she was there to promote, and when she was handed the Playboy spread she was surprised.
The fan adds, "Security promptly threw the fan out. He made jerking off motions, alternating with blow job motions, the whole way out."
An event spokesperson confirms the incident, explaining the model was put in an awkward position after all fans were told she would only sign authorized photographs of things other than her snatch, which were provided at the event.
ITALIAN SAL PACINO RETURNS...
With great frequency SkullGame writers go missing. We don't know where and we don't ask no questions. But we discovered in this recent Wikipedia reference on demonology....
Influences from Chaldean mythology
It has always been known fact that there have been Demons of many names dating as far back as
the time of the prophet Zarathustra in ancient Pars, now modern day Iran, 4,000 years ago in Pars there were as many as 775 Demons listed in Zorastrian text. Each one with different areas of responsibility, all kept watch and would torment mankind when there whims saw fit. There was Garusha, the Demon of total war. Polsaga, demon of famine. Still deeper you would find Ecelo, the demon of greed as it relates to wordly possesions. Obviously when you have 775 demons as you get closer to the end of the list there are demons with far less important sounding tasks; however being creatures of instinct, whatever there task, the demons would always tackle it with undending zest.
As far as lesser known demons we have as an example Flipivus, Flipivus was born 4,000 years ago in a valley near the ancient city of Ur, Ur is in Northwest Iran and lies near the river Euphrates. Flipivus lived a great part of his life in a hole approximately 6 inches wide and 6 inches deep. Flipivus' one and only job that he was put on this earth? Make Salvatore Russo miserable. While cryptic at first his job made perfect sense after the year of our lord 1970, whence Russo was born Flipivus through himself into his job with admirable zeal.
