YO VINNIE,
I can fuck for 58 minutes. I can fuck for 30 seconds. I can fuck without blowing my load for 86 minutes (my personal record). So my question is, since it ain't a question of control for me, how long is it appropriate to fuck your partner for if she hasn't had an orgasm (and you sense she isn't going to) before you blow your load? -- EMILE (by email)

"OK...HOW ABOUT THIS?!?! IN THE BAR, ON THE STOOL...NOTHING BUT NET."

Dear EMILY POST: Rubik's cube. Yes: Rubik's cube. Some can solve the puzzle in as long as it takes to spin the colored cubes hither and yon. Some will never solve it. Some, only after painstaking hours. The point is this: if you're doing something stupid like a puzzle, time is the least of your problems. So it is with women. Trying to draw some sort of universal field theory for taint makes about as much sense as trying to apply such said theory. And NO we're not all alike: most men are EXACTLY like most other men. WOMEN, however, encouraged as they are to develop like suchlike flowers of uniqueness have taken this to heart, and so the TWO-HOUR-DON'T-COME-FROM-COCK-BUT-ONLY-TONGUE-TO-CLIT action could be a markedly different creature from the I-COME-WHEN-I-SUCK-YOUR-COCK dream girl.

But this wasn't your question is, with a finer point on it: is there a period of time against which no one could blame you for blowing your load if you already done everything humanly possible to get her off and she still ain't gotten off?

Yes: 37 minutes and 26 seconds.

International sex surveys point out that the average act of coitus lasts about 11 minutes in total. With probably about seven minutes of straight thrusting. A little over THREE TIMES the international average is enough for you to try every conceivable position [including just staying in ONE position for awhile], your tongue, fingers, and whatever toys are lying around. It's also enough time to tell her she's the sexiest fucking thing you've ever seen blah blah blah...

and it's also enough time to ask her: when you masturbate how long does it take you?

International sex surveys say: four minutes.

So, if you and your cock are 32 minutes worth of distraction our advice is this: blow your load whenever you goddamned feel like it. What? You got all fucking day?