Yo Vinnie,
I just found out that the 36-year old slut bitch whore whose stories I have listened to until 3 A.M. when I had to work at 8, whose poetry I had to read, whose car I had to fix, who wanted us to put all this time into "working on our relationship," has had a new listing up on Match.com for the last three weeks which I just found. This has gotten me kind of fucked up. Man, I need to talk to somebody so I guess that's you. Your thoughts, sir. -- Pissed Off (by email)

"I LIKE WALKS ON THE BEACH, POETRY & JAMMING UP GUYS NAMED DAN WHO WILL INEVITABLY RETALIATE BY GIVING MY PIC TO SKULLGAME."

Dear PISSED ON: Why do you fucking care? How could you possibly care? Hasn't reading SkullGame even taught you ANYTHING?!?!?

OK, OK, you didn't come to me to have ME ask the questions and so here's an answer: It doesn't matter. What she does with her rapidly aging quim is not only no concern of yours but it's only OF concern to a quickly drying pool of men who find the aging and infirm, sexy [like me]. But just because I'd bang your broad in a New York second, there's no way I'd even suggest as a JOKE getting bent about her sitting on sausage that is not yours. Or mine.

Why would I? Because I am in LOVE?!?!?

Well, I love Apple Pie but you don't see me getting pissed off about it when someone else eats some of it, do you? Well, actually I do, but that's not my point....My point is this: you can only get pissed off by the misappropriation of that which you actually OWN. Someone fucks with your CAR?!?!

FLIP THE FUCK OUT.

Someone tarries with your TV?

START SHOOTING.

But someone tries to or, God love them, bones your broad?

Count yourself lucky that you have someone to share the story-listening, poetry punishing, PMS-ing harridan misery with and get about the real business at hand: fucking more OTHER women.

And the real question: is it possible to love a slut? ... will be answered thusly:

Is it possible NOT to?