Yo Vinnie,
In the past month I have been fucked with by no fewer than three angry husbands/boyfriends. For? Varying degrees of involvement with their women. I'm not a fighter. I'm just addicted to OPP. Can these men be reasoned with or do I need to just swear off of sluts? -- Mike The Milkman (by email)

WHEN "PERSONAL TRAINING" GOES VERY, VERY RIGHT.

Dear Me & Mrs. Jones: Nice recall. OPP = a rap band from the early '90s. OPP = Other People's Pussy. Or, god forbid, OPP = Other People's Penises. In any case you got a problem and your problem is: cheese eating pricks whose death grip on the pussy'd have you think that it was a life preserver. Or a fucking cure for cancer. Or the goddamned Hope diamond. And this part of my message is for them: you are sadly mistaken.

And I say, SADLY, because you've mythologized women to such a large and unhealthy degree that you believe the fact that she's freely chosen some other man's penis to make friends with. Repeatedly. And on her chin. Means that you believe you need to give another man grief for that which yourself would gladly be doing if only you weren't in front of our houses with baseball bats.

And this, my cuckolded men friends, is patently INcorrect.

Because when she's out fucking MIKE THE MILKMAN. Repeatedly. And in her butt. You are, of course, free to do the same. NOT with Mike the Milkman, you fucking moron, but with some other slut. Moreover, when YOUR slut returns, riven with guilt like she will be, she'll even let you fuck her in ways that you've never dreamed of. Ways that she just fucked Mike the Milkman, but hey, who's quibbling?

In any case your question: what to do about the raging bulls?

Nothing. Because, you see, it's NOT your problem. YOUR problem is getting laid--where and how much--your problem is not some jealous player hater. So: be prepared to defend yourself, tell no one where you live and stay as far away from her "I'm unhappily married" drama as possible when it doesn't involve her with her pants off.

Thanks for asking.