Yo Vinnie,
How do I increase the volume of my loads? I mean I want a cum shot like they got in the movies. Should I drink more fluids? I mean I hate pulling out to come and getting this trickle. It's embarrassing. I see those ads but is there one reliable way? -- Bill, (by email)

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO MORE COME?!?!? WHAT SHALL WE EAT THEN?!?! BESIDES POSSIBLY YOUR ASS?"

Dear Coco Nutty: Every year you hear it and every time you say the same thing: "who in the fuck is so goddamned stupid that they set their balls on fire copying a JACKASS stunt?" Well, now you know. Look at him carefully. Mr. BILL ADAMS is concerned because his loads are "not like the fuck they are in all those movies I watch where I'm busy watching the loads instead of the hot bitches on the business end of them." He'd very much like to increase the VOLUME of his ejaculate because so many of his recent dates have said "yeah. Dinner was great and the dancing was OK but what I really needed you didn't give: no fewer than THREE TABLESPOONS of spooge. GODDAMN YOU."

Jesus. People. Sometimes.

BUT because we're here to help we'll TRY to help MR. ADAMS. According to the fucking LOAD expert DONALD ZIMMER (no shit), "Amino acids such as L-Arginine and L-Lysine, zinc, and the Horny Goat Weed plant are all said to help up quantity, as is increasing your daily fluid intake. Add in an overall state of fitness, usually accompanied by good blood circulation, which also helps ejaculation. As does limiting the frequency of sexual intercourse."

Whatever.

Fag.