Yo Vinnie,
I'm banging this broad right? Things are going good, I got my crank in her mouth. But whilst she's sucking the log I move to insert "my gentle friend" in her quim. If only. I lose my whole hand in there. And I got big hands. I went through with it but it was like fucking an inner tube. She's calling. I'm ducking. Continue this course of action? Or not? -- J.T., (by email)

"HI. MY NAME IS PAM. AND I AM A FIST-A-HOLIC."

Dear NEIL ARMSTRONG: Well, I gotta go to PERRY the GREEK for this. Despite him thinking I owe him money. Even despite him believing that I'm going to pay him the money he thinks I owe him. But his words here echo long and hard in my mind at this present time: "The highest form of a relationship is a one-night stand." He's Greek. So was Plato. I think that says it all.

Specifically: why WOULD you go back? WHY? WHY? Unless, you did NOT fuck her. In which case you need to go back in order to [why? Because you MUST, that's why. Pussy unfucked = clear and present faggotry]. But if you got in the hole that night, and managed to not fall in, going back would only serve to fire, through the twin crucibles of humiliation and obviation, a hardness of spirit that in the long run would allow you to endure any flesh-based hardship well beyond that of your fellow man.

In the same way that driving red hot nails through your scrotum would, you see?

And I'll save you my usual riposte when a guy complains a woman's pussy being too big ["might it not be that your cock is TOO small?"], and I'll refrain my suggesting you bust a nutski in the ass pocket and just skip straight to the part where you FLEE.

No percentage in doing fucking otherwise.

UNLESS, you're into double vags, that is, sharing quim space with another cock. But that's another gay flick for another day.