Yo Vinnie,
I'm dying to fuck a black chick. Of course, they won't talk to me. Or call me back. Or give me the numbers to call. I want some of that dark meat. What the hell do I do? -- BlackBerry, (by email)

"TALK TO THE ASS, SUGAH...TALK TO THE ASS."

Dear NIGRA LOVER: What to do?!?! What to do?!?! YOU'RE asking ME about WHAT THE FUCK YOU SHOULD DO?!?!?! Jesus, isn't it obvious? Isn't it obvious that unless your ho's got a crack habit that would actually preclude her from having a phone in the first place, that pretty no one else's gonna call you back with that trophy hunter shit as obvious as if you were wearing a fucking pith helmet and carrying a goddamned blunderbuss? But look our job is not to judge. Fuck it. You wanna walk on "the wild side," the side that seems to support the idea that somewhere out there there's some magical breed of woman that's somehow different than the old brand of woman that you're used to, well, we dig you: you wanna fuck a Black broad. We got it.

OK. Go to Craigslist and tell the WORLD, or at least the portion of the world in your town populated by Black bitches, that you want to fuck them. Cite your extant attributes [pith helmet, blunderbuss, 5 inch penis that you call "a prick"] and wait for the mail to come rushing in.

Still waiting?

Yeah. We thought so.