Yo Vinnie,
I'm trying to get my girlfriend to let me fuck her WHILE I use a vibrator in her ass. I think this would feel great to us both, but she says she read somewhere that this is dangerous because I'm likely to pierce the wall separating one place from the other. I say it's NOT dangerous. And you say? -- Double Mint, (by email)

WILL...WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Dear WIN & PLACE: Too many questions unanswered to even begin answering what you have here. I mean has she never ass fucked before? Is your cock big enough to lead her to believe that your ploy to get the buttle is going down a road reasonably less traveled? Or on the psychosociological tip: is this all you've been talking about for the last six months making a total, no pun intended, fucking asshole out of yourself?

Who knows and you haven't answered our repeated requests for elucidation, DAVE DIETRICH, so we'll just have to guess.

Simply put: if you're not a ham-handed fucking stevedore you, using the patented ITALIAN SAL "Gentle Friend" [a carefully inserted digit up the poophole...HERS...not YOURS you idiot], should be able to make ass action an amusing and regular part of your repertoire so that the idea of 8-inches of vibrating plastic doesn't seem so daunting. But is it dangerous? Not if you're not a neanderthal. I, myself, have jammed many an ass whilst fucking many a cooze and have had nary a medical emergency. That's why it's called FUCKING and not STABBING. However, if you say this to her I can guarantee that your success rate will drop to ZERO.

Say this instead: it's absolutely, positively NOT dangerous and I'll give you $48 and a bag of M&Ms if you let me do it to you for my sordid amusements. This, yes, this, should work.