YO VINNIE,
To make a long story much shorter, we went to meet some football players at a hotel and ended up partying with them and next thing I know my girl is sucking one of them off on the balcony. I wanted to do something but I didn't want to get kicked out of the party. We talked about it later, well mostly I cried about it and she said that it was nothing and I should get over it. Since then it's happened with one of the guys in what used to be my favorite band. And one other time with a local newscaster. Should I be upset? I mean more than I sort of am already? -- P.K., Albuquerque, NM (by email)

Dear Huggy Bear: Man, oh, man this is one fucking touching story of a man (not YOU you stupid motherfucker), a cock, a woman, and a pimp with a heart of shit and a noodle for a spine (THAT'S you, you fucking sissy). I mean after the first time of you catching your sluice gate sucking sauce we here at MACK AVE. almost had some sort of feeling veering dangerously close to sympathy for you what with that scenario being an all-too-familiar one for us familiar with having our pipes in the tails of OMHs (other men's ho's) and whatnot.

LOTS OF ROOM FOR SOCIAL ADVANCEMENT FOR A YOUNG WOMAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE HER HEAD. AND HER FUCKING PIMP OF A BOYFRIEND

But after the THIRD fucking time, like the joke goes about the guy who keeps getting raped by the bear, "you don't come here for the hunting do you?" You're the worst kind of celebrity fucker, pimp, and excuse for a hanger-on that we've ever seen. KATO KAELIN is DAG HAMMERSKOLD compared to you. But here's the advice you so desperately seem to need: keep your girl from finding out as long as possible that she doesn't NEED you at all and you'll be just fine.