YO VINNIE,
In a recent sharing mood me and my girlfriend shared our fantasies. Mine was two women at once but only after asking and asking did she finally tell me hers and I sort of wished she hadn't: she wants to get fucked by a group of men. I didn't expect to get pissed off but there's no way to satisfy her fantasy without involving strangers. And the worse part is that I didn't show that I was pissed off and so as fantasies go it seems like we're sort of creeping toward making this happen. But I changed my mind about wanting to participate. What do I do? -- Night Train (by email)

HEY. DON'T GET MAD, RICKY. ALL THEY WANTED WAS SEX. AND THAT'S ALL I GAVE THEM.

Dear ON THE ATKINSON, TOPEKA & THE SANTA FE: You can only satisfy her fantasy with STRANGERS?!!? You got to be kidding me?!?! Are you reading this at home? You got roommates? Can you SEE any one of your roommates? Call him over. Now repeat after me: "Heya Barry. How'd you like to fuck Kathy?" What's he saying? Because I'm telling you if he's saying anything other than YES, he's GAY. But this is not the sole source of your beef. Which would be, to whit: in the fantasy sweepstakes you just came up short and you're pissed. Fuck YOU. She trusted you enough to tell you, and you trusted her enough to start your stupid ass down this road, so why, oh, why would you fuck this up NOW? Why? WHY!?!?! I mean I can't personally think of anything cooler than to see your girlfriend railroaded by rod while you shuffle uncomfortably in the corner with your withered tool in hand mumblin' something about "hey fellas? What about me? Can I get in there? Can I get 'next'!" And the fact that you don't see this means more than likely that you need to stick with the parochial pussy that still thinks a girl-on-girl fantasy is THE SHIT and that your 5-inch dick is BIG. God. It's guys like you that ruin it for EVERYONE.

Have a nice day. Fucking killjoy.