Yo Vinnie,
What's the best thing to do if a chick won't put out? I'm talking second or third
date. You've been out, she's come back to your place, but then nothing. What's that shit? How do you turn it around?--P.O'd (by email)

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT NO MEANS NO...I WON'T LET EVERYBODY BUT YOU GANGFUCK ME FEWER THAN 11 TIMES. A DAY? NOW, GOODNIGHT!!!

Dear Navy Blue Balls: She's come back to your fucking place?!? Listen, I'll share a little of THE DOCTOR's early age wisdom that went thusly: Any woman that comes over to your place is tacitly agreeing to be jam-packed 14 ways to Friday even if she has not explicitly said so.

His subsequent course of action is that you do everything, pull out all the stops in regards to fuckitage--the old miner down the shaft, the monkey in the pipe, the Viva Las Vegas, the bells of St. Mary's, the Octopus, the chase-you-around-the-kitchen-table strut--until such time as she either puts out or gets the fuck out.

Forget trying to build a relationship, forget trying to be cool. This, in fact, is the last time you wanna be cool. You can be cool about dessert: About pussy you must be absolutely lunatic.

We mean what do you have to lose? Some ego? Sheeeiiittt, we got PLENTY of that to go around. Now go and FUCK HER and if she resists any and all of your efforts know that you've been beat, and say very nicely: GET THE FUCK OUT YOU FUCKING HOMOSEXUAL, YOU.

Subsequently she, and the world, will know: you are a man who knows his homosexuals.

Good luck!