Yo Vinnie,
What's the correct etiquette of response when you make a date with a chick and she doesn't show up? Move on and never contact her again seems the most noble. But, y'know, what if you still wanna fuck her?--P.O. (by email from New Zealand)

AHHH...IT DOESN'T GET MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN THIS

Dear Abby: Well your problem was common and compelling enough that I surveyed SKULLGAME what all on account of me never having actually ever been stood up myself and of course being all hungover and all like I am on Mondays and so I got a veritable panoply of response to your direly dainty predicament: read it and weep.

THE ARGENTINE: Do not overreact by, say, kidnapping the offending party and holding her in the hidden room underneath your garage until she confesses her undying love for you. Fuck her friends one by one, powerfully and magnificently. She will then suck your cock. Come quickly, then head back inside for some canapes.

ALLAN McD: If you want to be a chump, continue pursuit. Forge on! Hand her your nuts on some crackers, with cheese. Or remember that: the world is full of holes. Stick to the ones that fit you.

STEELY ROB: I'll tell you a little story. I was in a fucking only relationship with this babe for more than three years. She never had any intention of dating me or anyone, really. She probably fucked every dude she knew. Anyone that understood that was playing the game properly. The biggest sap? Her boyfriend. He didn't get the rules of engagement, and meanwhile the whole world is laughing its ass off. Don't be that dude.

THE DOCTOR: Getting laid isn't about: Nobility. Grovel, slither, cheat,
lie, and debase yourself because sex is JUST like sports and getting laid is JUST like scoring. The other team will do whatever they can to prevent you from scoring. You will probably have to try many times to score. Being shut down once means you must return with redoubled effort. I suppose that getting denied on the 20 and knocked for a five-yard loss on a third-and 3 would send you off to the locker room to be noble? Check your pants, make sure you're not the girl, then get back out there sailor.