YO VINNIE,
I'm sick of sex. Yeah, I know I'm NOT supposed to be and doctors say it's a sign that I may be having health problems but getting pussy is getting old. Are you hearing this from a lot of other guys? -- Sleepy (by email)
"YEAH. REALLY. OH WOW. YOU DON'T SAY. MY MY."
Dear MR. KNOWS THE FUCKING SCORE: You know there are people who will read your letter and will not understand at all. Not fucking at all. They WILL accuse you of being gay. Or sick. Or some other such thing. But these are guys who DON'T know the score. Which is: the horrible and horrifying sameness that infects the mating ritual. Lemme spell it out for you:
1] you meet a broad
2] you say some stuff that makes the broad think you are funny/smart/nice/good in bed
3] she chooses to let you fuck her wherein she discovers that either ARE or ARE NOT funny/smart/nice/good in bed.
4] assuming you ARE and you do it more than once, someone will do something called "falling in love" whereby they imagine all of their life dreams [in this instance the staving off of the perpetual stink of loneliness that follows us all wherever we go] will be fulfilled by if not YOU, then definitely the YOU she will make you be
5] and suddenly repeating this process with other broads up to and including their friends, sisters, mothers, aunts, bosses is now verboten and your cock is locked into whatever prison of their extant non-perversions [no eating my pussy, no eating my pussy like THAT, no ass, no loads on the face, or in the mouth, no sex the week before my period, or after, or during, and maybe 50/50 the week I am ovulating] that exist for now and forever....and you now envy the dead.
Is it any wonder if you're a man of certain age and experience you're just better off drinking?
Now, on the odd occasion, you meet a woman who makes you forget all of the above? What? Wait....what the hell am I talking about?
You NEVER will.
And you are NOT alone, newspapers are filled these days of chatter regarding men just GIVING up...in the face of matrimony-mad, commitment-crazed, career-and-kid-obsessed vessels of womanly need, why the fuck not give up?
Or, to quote Richard the Greek: "a whore, a whore, my kingdom for a whore."
But whores are in short supply and are hunted damn near to extinction and what's more most guys when they get their hands on one immediately go about RUINING her by ginning her up on matrimony, commitment, career and kid bullshit, disregarding Too Short's dictum of the impossibility of turning a ho into a housewife. So if you wanna do what we do by all means do it: fuck as long as the fucking is worth fucking for and when it's not no longer, when dissatisfactions [hers] start to arise along with comments regarding fucking no longer being ENOUGH? When you are pressed to do anything OTHER than fuck, well you know what the great Vince Lombardi said: when the going gets tough, the tough quit.
Welcome to forever, my man.
