Yo Vinnie,
This hot bitch I been trying to bang for a long while finally agreed to head back to some hotel with me, the sole stipulation being: when we got there we had to smoke some heroin. I know, I know, you had to see her though. So we go back, smoke a sheet, and bone the bone. Everything's fine so far. The first time was wicked fast like it sometimes is with a hot bitch but usually I get my back up the second go around. But the second go-around, we smoked a couple of more sheets of this shit and lo and fucking behold: no action from the jackson. WTF? -- Sammy

Dear RATSO RIZZO: Well, even the most cursory glance at the goddamned Internets reveals what any man with a cock and a penchant for cock-destroying drugs should alreadu KNOW: this shit destroys your cock. Type in HEROIN and IMPOTENCE and see for yourself. Even more disturbing for people with cocks and the people who rely on them is the sheer number of anti-dangle drugs: from the benign and the sublime to the more obviously aggressive the key to keeping it up and doing what it's supposed to do is pretty much to avoid ANY drugs not called VIAGRA, CIALIS, or LEVITRA. Because anything -- vaso-constrictors et al -- even being looked at funny by someone from the Pacific Islands, or some such thing will fuck up your shit. So drugs, which, paradoxically CONTRIBUTE to us getting laid about 90 percent of the time are the enemy of your cock about 88 percent of the time.

Do with this what you would. My guess though is if you have any game at all you will be granted a second go during which you should enter the field of play STONE COLD FUCKING SOBER...this is goddamned war....COCK war...and you're defending the dignity of cocks far and wide so hear me well when I say: don't do drugs if you're gonna fuck ho's kids!!! Do them AFTER you fuck them, kids!!!

So says McGruff the anti-dead cock crime dog.