Yo Vinnie,
How do you sleep with a crazy chick but avoid her from bugging you with her craziness? Like ITALIAN SAL and you? You all would sleep with a loon but how did most of them just not bug you afterward? You said in an old column that SAL has had very few problems even though he bangs anything he can and they even know where he lives but they just go away. They don't pop up and bug him? Is it just luck? -- M&M (by email)

HOW CRAZY ARE WE? YEAH....EXACTLY.

Dear Snack Treat: The key to fucking crazy broads is a very simple one as we live on an animal planet and even the craziest among us (I mean how many lunatics run into Police stations as a GO point for their lunacy?) has animal brain intelligence that heeds nature's little warning signs the first and foremost being: "I am crazy in a definable fashion therefore anyone who'd tarry with me would also have to be crazy...but how much?!?! HOW MUCH?!?!?"

And when this question is asked, silently, between the barking dogs and asians in pig masks that populate their days, the answer need always be the same to wit: MUCH more than you.

How else does SAL get away with fucking a girl we'll call POLLY whilst she's IN a mental institution?

EASY: she knows only a lunatic would fuck a lunatic in a mental institution while bringing her some Bubblicious chewing gum (she had asked for a sandwich) and cigarettes (she had asked for clean socks).

It's JUST that simple. I mean even crazy people have standards. Unless those crazy people are me and Sal. And those standards heed the jungle law that says thou shalt not fuck with thems that's more dangerous than you. So whether it's Sal's condiment as lunch food or my patented "let's have a threesome with your Mom" gambit it's always patently clear for thems that care to notice: you can't crank call a crank.