"GLOAT...FEAST YOUR EYES UPON MY ACCURSED UGLINESS...!!!"
AN ITALIAN SAL PACINO REPORT FROM THE HEART OF DARKNESS... [ALL PICS ARE GUARANTEED HUMANS WE HAVE HAD SEX WITH]...THE HORROR...THE HORROR...
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- I...I...I don't really know when it started. I just know that I blame VINNIE because I know it was HIS fault. While a few of us know what it is to be a good friend and help a fellow friend out when he needs a hand or, in this instance, a cock in order to double team thems that need to be double teamed with a friend who couldn't possibly double team them alone, not many of us know the pain of walking down the street with a woman who outweighs you who is holding your hand. VINNIE knows this pain and it is for him that I've invented EAU D'INDIGNITY, a fragrance for men who don't want ANYONE to know..., available at youpoorsadSOB@skullgame.com for only the price of your immortal soul and $12.95.
YES. AND HER TOO.
But I digress.
My point is no longer will I, in 2007, fuck women that look like LEONID BREZHNEV, have handicapped placards in their cars or walk with canes, outweigh me by more than 100 pounds or are 65 years old. VINNIE'S fault or not, there comes a time when a man starts to take responsibility for his penchant for disabled dowagers and that point is now for me. No more. This, I do, solemnly swear.
NOTE: THE HAIRY LEGGED TREE TOAD'S NATURAL HABITAT IS USUALLY IN THE DARK RECESSES OF OUR MINDS. OR IN OUR BEDROOMS. ASKING TO GO OUT & GET A DRINK WITH US. IN PUBLIC. AND SHIT.
SKULLGAME'S ANATOMICALLY CORRECT CONGRESSIONAL PAGE TOYS HELP KIDS FIGURE OUT THE INTRICATE PROCESSES AT WORK MAKING THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS EVEN GREATER!!!
THE WHITE HAIR GENTLEMAN IS A REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN. THE OTHER ONE IS YOU. MAKE SENSE?!?! GOOOOOOD.....
LINDSAY LOHAN'S ENABLER GIVES A GLIMPSE INTO WHAT SHE'S ENABLED
DEAR MOMMIE DEAREST...REHAB IS GREAT. PLEASE NOTIFY THE PRESS.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- LINDSAY LOHAN's mother has reunited with her troubled daughter in rehab -- and she took TV cameras with her. Because she's THAT kind of good mom.
Dina Lohan, her daughter Ali and a childhood friend of Lindsay's made the trip from New York to Los Angeles earlier this week, cameras in tow, to meet up with the actress at the Wonderland clinic, which she checked into last month for an addiction to "everything white."
Dina invited TV cameras from TV news shows "The Insider" and "Entertainment Tonight" to join her for the trip, in the hope it would give her the chance to tell her daughter's fans how worried she is. Because nothing says "helping" like TV cameras, when you're in a hospital gown chained to a gurney.
So she hit the streets of Hollywood before meeting up with her daughter to show TV cameras what her daughter has to put up with, as the paparazzi swarmed her, knocking loss her IV and her bed pans leaving MARY HART to slip in all of the spilled urine.
Explaining her decision to make the reunion trip a public affair, Dina says with absolutely no shame, "I'm gonna stop the madness before my child ends up killed...without me catching it on camera and thereby losing 3 percent of the gross international rights to said death."
MISS USA, IN A GREAT SHOE-FITTING-AND-WEARING-IT MOMENT, A DRUG-ADDLED SEX ADDICT; AMERICA NOT MUCH SURPRISED.
"DON'T BE A FOOL. OR A COKE WHORE. STAY IN SCHOOL. OR GET IMPLANTS. ONE OR THE OTHER I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH."
KENTUCKY (SkullGame) -- Disgraced Miss USA TARA CONNER has dropped another bombshell just days after her release from rehab [where all the cool people go] -- she says she was abused as a child, hence her early young adulthood as a jiz dump of colossal proportions.
In a recent sit-down interview with broadcaster Matt Lauer, the troubled beauty queen came clean about her use of cocaine and alcohol, and alcohol with cocaine, and yayo, and coca, and booze, which landed her in rehab, after Miss USA pageant boss Donald Trump insisted she seek counseling.
But when the "Today" show host pried into her personal life, Conner blurted out, "I will not deny I've witnessed some abuse."
But she refused to go into details because she has yet to discuss the matter with her family members and was preoccupied with making sure her nostrils were free of particulate matter.
As Lauer continued to pry, asking, "Physical abuse? Sexual abuse?" the blonde beauty queen added, "I would like the respect of privacy because I'm giving all that I can right now.
"We'll just say that it was earlier on (in my life). And it had EVERYthing to do with not getting the Barbie Bake Off oven. Probably, I don't know, 11 years in a row."
Earlier this week, the Kentucky girl admitted she had taken cocaine during her reign as Miss USA, but denied reports she has "a sexual addiction."
"I don't think 300 men is too high a number, expecially if all they wanted was sex. I mean that was all I gave them anyway."
